Kames: ABC
by neonteddybear
Summary: Oneshots of Kames...R
1. A is for Always

**So here's my fanfiction, so it's 'a' and in my 'a, b, c' alphabet story of kames... I'll try and upload everyday… this is kind of a sad short oneshot to start with my oneshot :(**

"**There is **_**always**_** some madness in love. But there is also **_**always**_** some reason in madness." –Friedrich Nietzsche**

A is for Always: at all times

I remembered when you, Kendall, showed how much you loved me, and _always_ will remember it…

"_Come on," His voice purred against my ear. I pushed back, but shivers ran down my spine as I felt his hot breath surround my neck._

"_N-no," My voice quake, finally having the strength to push him off, "No, Mark, it's just I'm not ready, okay?" I stood up from the couch._

"_When are you ready, huh?" Mark growled, _(Someone I made up)_ I, myself, knowing his anger was rising._

"_Babe, come on," He came toward, I knew he wanted it; I didn't, not with him…_

"_I said no," Having more courage I step back, not wanting him to hit me, but he swiftly grabbed my wrist not letting me go. I was stuck, I couldn't even yell for help, my trout was dry as the thought came from the back of my mind if I did Mark would have punch me across the face, like he did a couple days ago…_

"_Let me go," The voice of pure heaven filled to the vacant filled room. Mark growled to see my knight a shiny armor, you, Kendall Knight. Mark quickly let go of me and rushed to the door. I frisson as I heard the door slammed harshly, yet a pair of arms wrapped around me._

"_Are you okay?" Those were the simple words you spoke, that gave me warmth every time you asked._

"_Yeah," I rested my head on your shoulder._

"_Why do you even date him?" You growled as you hugged me even tighter._

"_H-he's the one," I lied_

"_Jamie," You say my nickname that I only let you say to me, which always make my knees weak. I wanted to tell at that exact point that you were the one, not Mark, but what if you hated me, told me to leave and I couldn't take that type of rejection. That those three words 'I love you' was practically dying to get out._

_"I know," I slipped away from you, like every other time you saved me, it was at this point I will just leave you like _always_._

"_But… you stay with him and you know how much I hate him laying even a finger on you," This time it was different you say something I never knew, you just don't let me walk off. Maybe you like me, maybe you even love me like how I feel about you, Kendall._

"_Kendall, I just," I paused having nothing to say, not knowing what to say, "I don't know what to say, I just know that I can't do much better." I sighed it was true, I was horrible at relationships, and it didn't help when I was falling for you, Kendall Knight. Mark was actually better than other people I dated._

"_Yes, you can," Your voice become shaky, this was something I've never seen happened, you, Kendall Knight, had no courage in your voice._

"_No, I can't," I shake my head in disbelief. "I'm always so bad with relationships. I'm a selfish bastard, who could spend two hours or even more in the bathroom for my hair, and I still have matted flat hair. And my nose is huge and I have these glazed eyes that have this ugly eye color," I hold back the tears, but you still refuse to agree with me, and not let me leave._

"_No, you are so beautiful, your hair is just perfect, and so soft," You walk up to me, and gently tangle your finger in my hair. I just look at you, loving the way your fingers tangle in my hair. You smile shyly, "And you don't have a huge nose, your nose is perfect size that is attach to you perfectly," Your smile spreads as I let you kiss my nose. You, Kendall Knight, kissed me on the nose; I didn't care if it was on my nose, or anywhere else. The thought that you kissed me was like pure heaven, and then you look at with your green specters of light while you told me, "and your eyes they are not glazed, they're the perfect hazel color, and I absolutely love them." My eyes fluttered down as I felt butterfly kisses upon each of my eyes. I had my eyes still closed as I felt your soft pair of lips connected with mine._

I opened my eyes; I was in your bed alone. Since the car accident, I dreamed about the day you showed me how much you loved me, the first time you kissed me, and since that very day I wished we could have told each other sooner. Before I lost you… it's been two years since the accident, and I still miss you, and I will _always_ miss you.


	2. B is for bathrooms

**It's b's turn, and for me b stands for bathrooms ;P lol, this is a random, funny really short oneshot.**

"**How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on" –Unknown**

B is for Bathrooms

Kendall wasn't always the patient type. He couldn't last long for something, and when James hogged the bathroom was one of the worst times for Kendall, yeah, sure he loved James with all his heart, but he couldn't waste time waiting for the pretty boy.

"James!" Kendall cried out.

"Kenny, be patient," James giggled on the other side of the locked door, knowing that the blond boy hated being told what to do, and the fact he didn't like nicknames, didn't help the situation get any better.

"Hell no, Open up!" Kendall snarled to hear the beautiful boy giggle once more.

"But, I'm still fixing my hair," James whined.

"I don't care," Kendall growled ignoring the whine coming from the bathroom, "Open up!"

"Fine," James said in defeat as he clicked the door lock to unlock the door. Kendall burst in into the bathroom in no time, the flare of victory shone in his eyes.

"So what did you rudely have to come in here and int-" James was cut off, as he felt a pair of lips kiss him. Before, he could react properly and kiss back, the pair of lips were gone as fast as they came. James looked at Kendall, who was walking off with a huge grin plaster on his face. "I just wanted my mourning kiss," Kendall called out leaving James there, with flushed cheeks, in the _bathroom._


	3. C is for coupons

**So it's C and C for me is coupons.** **So I may not update every day, because I'm going on a trip so hopefully I'll come back soon ****"A man in love is like a clipped coupon - it's time to cash in." -Mae West.**

C is for coupons: A negotiable certificate that can be detached and redeemed as needed

Kendall groaned as he sluggishly went past aisles of groceries that went on forever for him. His mom made go buy groceries with her, but the problem was a particular brunette tagged along, having whined to him that he needed more hair products. Kendall didn't mind the brunette's company, he actually was pretty happy that the brunette tagged along. Kendall if he was force to tell the true, he would declare his undying love to the pretty boy, but luckily he wasn't force to.

Kendall wanted to tell James, but he wanted a way tell him, that wasn't too hard and he wanted it to be creative. Kendall realized he couldn't do it straight forward, due to the fact he would get tongue tied, and his throat would become dried when he tried to tell him about him falling for the brunette. Kendall couldn't even speak a word to the beautiful brunette without choking up on a couple words.

Kendall stopped in the beauty aisle to see the pretty boy flirting with one of the employees. Kendall's anger was rising as he saw the girl's eyes practically devouring James, but Kendall's anger quickly cooled as James turned to him, ignoring the girl. "Hey Kendall," James waved as he walked towards him. Kendall was completely bewildered, not knowing why he would ignore a hot girl for him.

"H-hey," Kendall gulped to see a new problem, he can't barely talk to also perfect boy.

"Let's go, they don't have the hair product I was looking for," James started walking off to find Mamma Knight. Kendall looked back to see the girl, looking at him with an aggravated look. Kendall quickly followed James, afraid of the employee.

"S-so who was that girl back there," Kendall knew he had to ask.

"Hmm… no one important," James said with a sluggish shrugged.

"She seemed important," Kendall snarled, "I think she likes you."

"I know that," James shrugged.

"Why didn't y-you ask her out," Kendall's voiced cracked.

"Because," James chuckled to hear Kendall's voice crack, "I had someone else in mind that I want to ask out." Kendall knew immediately who he was talking about it was the sunblock girl.

"Oh, yeah that makes sense," Kendall said, as he felt his heart clenching. James couldn't respond as Mamma Knight waved at them to come towards her.

"Are you guys going to buy anything," Mamma Knight questioned.

"No, Mamma Knight, I couldn't find what I was looking for," James shrugged in much disappointment.

"Oh well, hopefully next time we'll find what you were looking for," She said with a hopeful smile.

"Yeah, hopefully," James sighed.

"Honey, can you take some of these bags?" Kendall knew he's mom was talking to him, but James grabbed the groceries bags. Mamma Knight smiled at the kind gesture and then she turned to her son, and handed him a coupon book. Kendall shrugged as they started to walk out of the store. His mind started to drift off, _I wonder who James, likes. Probably some snobbish girl, I'm never going to get he's attention._

"Kendall!" He heard he's mom's voice.

"Don't tear the coupons," She scolded.

"Sorry, Mom," He looked down at he's hands to see he had been messing with the coupons.

"Sweetie, I need those coupons so I can redeem a product I want to purchase," His mom informed.

"Like what," Kendall's mind started to develop a plan.

"Like see this coupon, you were messing with, it's for a free spa day," She proclaimed.

"So you can redeem something for free," Kendall smirked.

"Yes, honey, that what some coupons are for," She sighed and turned to her son, as she put the last bag in her car, "You've used coupons before. So I shouldn't be reminding you."

"Oh yeah, I have," Kendall let a huge grin plaster on he's face, "Sorry, mom."

"Now come on, lunch is so going to be late, and you know Carlos can't stand waiting," Mamma Knight hurried the two boys up.

Kendall started putting he's plan to work, he first had to invite James to the grocery store to he's plan to work, and hopefully Kendall wouldn't coward away.

"Hey, J-James," Kendall felt his heart pounding rapidly.

"Yeah Kendall, what's up?" James looked up from he's fashion magazine, he was currently reading.

"Hmm… want to go to the groceries with me?" Kendall ruminated as he bit his lower lip, "I hear there's a new hair product."

"Really," James put down the magazine and jumped off the couch, "Let's go!"

The two boys were now in the car; Kendall was driving, as James kept rambling about being excited to go get he's hair products.

"We're here," Kendall said he's voice become wary.

"Come on, those hair products have been waiting forever," James practically jumped out of the car. Kendall lagged behind as thoughts became to surround he's mind. _What if he hates me, or laughs at my face… it'll ruin our relationship._

"Come on Kendall!" James groaned as he turned around to see Kendall walking slowly toward him. With a huff, James grabbed Kendall's arm and started tugging James toward the beauty section. Luckily, no one was in the aisle at this moment.

"Now let's see…" James started looking through products. Until he gasp almost screamed in excitement, he was practically jumping up and down to see the product he had been looking for, but frowned to see the prize. "Kendall, it's so expansive! Give me the coupon book." Before Kendall could say no, James grabbed the coupon book from he's grasp.

"Wait no," Kendall gulped the words back down his throat, as he saw James's eyes widening. James eyes looked up from the coupon book and he said at a whisper, "Is this for me." Kendall sighed, as he nodded shyly, "I wanted to do it like a surprise, and I understand if you-" Before Kendall could understand what was happening James was smashing he's lips with his. Kendall gasped in surprise as he felt James' tongue licking he's bottom lip. James grew with excitement as Kendall let him explore he's mouth. Before, they could enjoy each other's mouth, they heard a rough cough. They looked up to see the same employee from yesterday, she had an annoyed look upon her face.

"Excuse me," She huffed. James let out a chuckled as he wrapped he's arms around Kendall. The girl past by them and turned around, "I'm glad that you had the courage to tell him." James grinned at her, "I didn't but he did." She walked with not another word, leaving Kendall a bit bewildered.

"So do you have any more coupons, I think my has been used up," James smirked.


	4. D is for diamond

**So D is for Diamonds, it's kinda of short story, hope you guys like it. Thanks for the reviews: D "Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all" – Mark Twain **

D is for Diamonds: Very hard native crystalline carbon valued as a gem

James awoke as he heard the alarm clock rang, to his surprise he couldn't find the wonderful blonde beauty next to him. _Maybe he woke up early and didn't want to disturb me,_ the pretty boy kept telling himself as he got up from the bed. As he got ready, memories start rushing to his head, about the night before.

"_I love you Kendall so much," James kept repeating loving the way it sounded._

"_I love you too," Kendall chuckled at the brunette rambling on and on. He gripped the pretty boy's shoulders, to get the boys attention, James quickly stopped talking, not because of the force Kendall had used on him but because the particular blonde clashed he's lips with James'. Before, both boys knew it they were having a heated make out session._

"James, hurry up and come eat, before Carlos eats your food," Logan's voice snapped him back to reality. James quickly got out of the bathroom, after he finished fixing his morning hair, of course. When he finally got out of Kendall's and his room, he quickly frowned to realize that Kendall wasn't there. _Maybe he went on a morning jog_. James kept thinking about where the blond had gone to, ignoring Logan and Carlos argument.

"Hey James, do you know where Kendall went," Mamma Knight snapped him out of his trained of thought.

"Hmm… no, actually," James just shrugged of the worried look he got from her. The rest of the breakfast was filled with small talk and little bits of conversion, which James wasn't paying much attention to. He's mind started to drift off to the night before.

"_Wait, K-Kendall," James pulled away with all his strength tough he didn't want to._

"_What Jamie," Kendall huffed in disappointment._

"_What about Jo?" James looked in to the lustful green eyes in front of him._

"_Well… I never loved her, like I do with you, so I guess Jo and I are through," Kendall said, as he leaned in to the brunette's neck. Shivers went right through James as he felt Kendall nibbled on James' neck. "And you and I have just started."_

"James!" Katie yelled to grab the pretty boy's attention. James looked up to see everyone worried looks.

"Do you want more pancakes," She asked with a groaned. James looked down to see his plate was empty.

"N-no," James shook his head.

"Are you alright sweetie?" Mamma Knight sat next to James.

"Yeah, I just haven't gotten much sleep last night," James was telling the truth he hadn't.

"Oh okay," She gave him a loving smile.

"D-did you see Kendall at all this morning?" James had to know where his blond lover had gone to.

"Well, yeah I did," She paused to think where her son was heading so early in the morning, "I think he went to see Jo."

"Oh," James tried not to see disappointment.

"Yeah, do you want me to call him," Mamma Knight offered.

"No, don't worry," James got up, not caring of the troubled looks he got, as he headed to the door. He knew where he was going to the devil herself, Jo. He couldn't believe Kendall had lied to him, telling he and James was always going to be together. Tears were straining to flow down his cheeks, as he practically started running. He stopped at a halt to see Kendall coming out of Jo's hotel room. Tears started to flow down his cheeks at this point as he shrieked, "Kendall!"

Kendall quickly froze to see the beautiful brunette sobbing out control, until he realized what it looked like, before he could say anything the brunette ran off. "J-James!" He ran after James, not caring if it took forever he was going catch up to his love.

James' mind started flashing with memories of him and Kendall being together, that let up to this point in his life. He luckily lost the blond, and was now sitting on the roof of the hotel. He couldn't stop subbing tough he tried he's best, the memory of the blonde's betrayal kept coming back to him. Not even when he felt two warm arms wrapped around pulling him to the warm body. James knew it was Kendall, he only felt so safe when he wrapped around the blonde.

"Y-you l-lied t-t-to me," James sobbed even harder.

"I didn't James, I swear I didn't, please hear me out, Jamie," Kendall begged his own tears swelling in his eyes. "I-I was asking to give me something that only belongs to you Jamie."

"And what is that?" James looked up and said bitterly, "Your lies."

"N-no Jamie," Kendall said as his heart clenched tightly as the words reach his ears.

"Then what, your empty promises?" James said as he tried to pull away, but Kendall didn't want to let him go.

_James felt himself being push down on the bed, his breath hitched as he felt Kendall straddling his hips. "K-Kendall," James put his head upon Kendall's chest to stop Kendall from doing anything._

"_Yeah baby," Kendall looked up to the brunette._

"_Promise me you won't leave me ever," James said shyly._

_Kendall's smile grew bigger, "I promise with my life, that I rather die than leave you."_

"James!" Kendall's voice startled the boy back to reality. Kendall sighed as he saw the scared look on James that usually happy face. He said in a more calmed voice, "I went to see Jo to get this from her." Kendall let go of one of James hands as he looked through his pocket, till he pulled something out. James let out a gasp to feel a ring on his finger.

"I wanted to surprise, but yeah," Kendall sighed, "James; I want you to always be mine." James was completely speechless as he saw the _diamond_ on the ring, but he smiled up at Kendall.

"Really Kendall you want me to be yours," James asked.

"Yes, I want you to be mine, James Diamond," Kendall grinned.

"I want you to be mine too," James started to kiss Kendall with multiple kisses.

Kendall gladly returned each kiss he got, "James, you are always going to be my _diamond._"


	5. E is for ever

**So E is for Ever for this story. Thanks for reading these stories and all "There always is some give and take when you're dealing with the schedule. No one is **_**ever **_**completely happy with the one they get." Dave Littlefield **

E is for Ever: always: at all times

James always knew that he should never have fallen for the particular blonde. Knowing his faith would just crumbled to sadness, as he saw that the blonde never looked his way, not even a little. Kendall had Jo to comfort and love, not James, though he dreamed every night for the day he would show his true feelings to the beautiful, bushy eyebrow blonde.

So any possible time with the blonde was like pure heaven to the pretty boy. That's why he had ask the blonde if he wanted to go catch a movie with him; the blonde agreed saying it would be fun. That's why James was waiting in the front of the movie theater, for an hour or so. He sighed knowing the blonde had ditched him. It was becoming a regular thing, the two would make plans, and then the blonde ditched the desperate brunette, he would say he forget or that something came up. The brunette knew better, he knew that the blonde didn't want to hang out with him, like he does. But James kept trying, knowing that Kendall was his everything, even though the blonde had no clue about James' feelings.

He sighed, it was another night he'll be alone. He started to walk into the theater, until he heard a shout. "James! Wait up!" It was Kendall's voice; the brunette thought his mind was playing tricks on him, until he turned around to see the blonde running toward him. James shook in disbelief, it couldn't be his crush… no, it couldn't be, but it was.

"J-James, I'm so sorry I'm late, I," Kendall tried to catch his breath.

"It's okay," James told him. It really was, James couldn't help but turned happy, seeing the blonde finally showed up to hang out with _him._

"Thanks for waiting for me," Kendall grinned as he looked up at the pretty boy. James couldn't help but notice the puffy red eyes Kendall had. _Maybe he ran too much,_ James told himself.

"Come on; let's go, before the movies over," Kendall tugged James inside.

"Well it's almost over," James joked.

"Well…" Kendall smirked, "Let's see another movie." James' smiled grew even bigger, as he went to the ticket area, Kendall got to decide the movie, even he persisted that James should help decide the movie, but James was happy all the same, if he was with Kendall that what all he needed.

"Here, you go sir, please enjoy the movie," the girl on the ticket booth gave James the ticket, while she looked at James with flirtatious eyes.

"We will," Kendall butted in; James was wildly surprised, but he was filled with joy. As they walked toward the food area, James knew he had to ask, "Why didn't let me get that girl's number."

"Well…" Kendall stumbled, "She looked like a slut."

"Oh," James should've known Kendall wasn't jealous that a girl was staring at James. "She did, didn't she?"

"Yup," Kendall turned back to the food. "Let's see, let's get two large popcorn and large sodas-"

"And some gummy bears," James cut in, making Kendall chuckled. "Yes and gummy bears."

"Yay," James jumped for joy, making Kendall laughed in more.

"That'll be $17.99" the cahier butted in. James gladly headed him the money. Kendall started to carry the popcorn and soda while James enjoyed his gummy bears. They had finally found where the movie was playing, and sat in the way back, knowing it was better for them. James didn't really pay attention to the movie he kept looking back at the blonde, who seemed to be into the movie. Soon James became thirsty and noticed that Kendall had the drinks to his side.

He reluctantly called Kendall, but the blonde didn't move an inch. James sighed, as he called a little louder, but he got shush from a guy in the front. James turned his attention to the popcorn bowl on his lap. He quickly grabbed one piece of popcorn and threw it at Kendall, he sighed when Kendall didn't turn to him, but he quickly grinned, as he felt two pieces of popcorn hit his forehead. He threw a handful and got hit with several of popcorns. The two boys haven't realized but they started having a popcorn war. Luckily no one was in the back with them, so they kept throwing more and more popcorn. Until they ran out of popcorn, and was shush by a man in the front.

"James, you needed something?" Kendall tried not to laugh too hard.

"Yes, can I have my soda," James asked trying to keep his voice to a whisper, but Kendall wasn't helping when he burst into laughter. James ended up laughing out loud too.

"Excuse me can you be quite," An employee made them stopped.

"Oh, sorry," Kendall chuckled, as he handed James his soda. The boys stopped their laughter and started to pay attention to the movie, but to their surprise the movie was over. They broke into laughter to see the credits rolling on the huge screen.

The two boys got up, still chuckling of what they did during the entire movie. When they were out of the theater it was already dark, Kendall was the first to speak, "It's getting late, let's go home."

"Okay," James smiled, but quickly frowned to realize that he had no more time with the beautiful blonde.

When they reach 2J, it was completely dark, both boys everyone was probably sleeping. So they crept to their rooms not wanting to wake up someone. James quickly went to bed, leaving Kendall in bathroom. The blonde was broken inside, before he went to the movies with James he got in a fight with Jo.

"_Kendall, where are you going? We are supposed to go to the movies tonight," Jo said in frustration._

"_Jo, you don't get it, I made plans already, and this time I'm going to show up," Kendall remembered all the time he ditched the pretty boy for Jo._

"_Who is she," Jo growled._

"_**He**'s __been waiting for me," Kendall's heart ached to realized he been blowing off James for Jo the slut._

"_Who?" Jo yelled._

"_Someone important to me," Kendall was telling the truth, he loved, and adored the pretty boy._

"_If you leave me here, Kendall Knight, then we are through!" Jo screamed. Kendall didn't even look back, not caring what Jo had to say._

Kendall had a great time at the movie, it was like a touch from heaven to him, but he knew that the beautiful brunette didn't have any true feelings for him.

"Kendall?" James peeked into the bathroom to see Kendall sobbing. He quickly wrapped his arms around the blonde, and telling him that everything was going to be alright.

"No, everything is not alright," Kendall shook his head in disbelief. "James, I-I'm so sorry."

"About what?" James held the broken blonde tighter, afraid that if he let go Kendall will break into little pieces.

"Every time, we make plans, I will ditch you," Kendall sobbed even more.

"It's okay," James said fighting his own tears.

"But I-I been ditching for Jo," Kendall cried out.

"She is your girlfriend," James pointed out with a shrug.

"Not anymore, before I met up with you, I broke things of with her," Kendall voiced turned to a whisper.

"W-why?" James' voiced cracked.

"Because she found out I had other plans, and told me to decide between you or her," Kendall paused and looked up at James. "And I picked you." Before James could say anything, Kendall connected his lips with James. James gasped in joyed, but he reluctantly pulled away. Kendall quickly looked away, ready to get yelled at. "K-Kendall, I-I'm in love with you, and I want to know if you like me?"

Kendall quickly looked up and grinned, "James, I love you so much, and today really meant a lot, one of the best day _ever_."

"Really," James leaned closer to Kendall."

"Yes really," Kendall said lastly as he connected his lips with James…


	6. F is for frogs

**I know I haven't uploaded in forever lol; I had so much homework to do so yeah. Anyway F is Frogs for me it is, "You got to kiss a lot of **_**frogs**_** before you find your Prince Charming."**

F is for Frogs

James was always bad with relationships; he could never cope with them and they always crumbled in his hands. He eventually stopped trying and practically zone out, he usually hoped that the person in the relationship with him, will give up and leave him like they all do. It almost became a habit for him, to be the one to break the relationship was rare because he didn't really care if he was in a relationship. James always called himself the unloved, which wasn't true, but he didn't really notice the people around loved him.

James had never notice the things that truly matter; he only saw pain, so when he met Trevor, **(A/N random person) **he thought Trevor was his Prince Charming that comes to his rescue, from his sad and depressed self, though he never showed it. Trevor was just another person that was hurting James more than helping him, but James stayed with him because he never the one who breaks the relationship.

I, myself, just stood there like a complete loser, who held his heart in his sleeve, hidden from the one I truly loved. Trevor was a person that I could hate with pure hatred, just because he had James and I didn't. When I saw James getting hit by Trevor, was when I came to James' house and how everything started because of it…

_It was around 8 o'clock, I was going over to James' house so James and I can study for the big math test. James' parents' car was gone, probably on a date so James and I were going to be alone. That got me, smiling thinking about the entire night alone with James, my smiled soon faded when I heard yelling coming from inside of James' house. I rushed into his house, not caring if I knocked or not, luckily the door was unlocked, so I could see what was truly going on. But I didn't like what I saw; there stood Trevor pushing James onto the wall harshly. I looked at Trevor immediately about to launch myself at him, and punch him like there was no tomorrow, but unfortunately Trevor pushed me away from the open door, and ran off._

_I got up from the floor, as I heard the door slammed shut. I didn't care if I felt my back aching, I ran to check if James was okay. To my surprise James was up, and he had a plastered smiled on his face, as if everything was okay. "Hey, Kendall, I almost forgot that we were going to study together today."_

"_James, what the hell was Trevor doing to you?" I knew James was trying to ignore the topic, but James and I both knew I had to ask, But James still kept a fake smiled on, "I don't know what you are talking about."_

"_James! You know what I'm talking about? Why was he hurting you, James?" My voice became more frantic and more scared. James still didn't crack not one inch, he kept on have the postiche smiled, "Nothing happen, Kenny."_

_I growled knowing that James was trying to calm me down with the nickname, "James! I want to know, you can't tell me lies; you just can't." That what crack James, I knew James wouldn't try to lie to me, he just couldn't. Next thing I knew James launch himself at me, I instinctively wrapped my arms around his waist as I felt him sobbed on my shoulder, "Kenny, he hurt m-me, b-but he di-didn't mean t-to."_

_Anger flared in me, how can James say that Trevor didn't mean to hurt him? "James, don't say that, he doesn't love you-"_

"_Yes he does, he told me," James said cutting me off._

"_Then why did he hit you?" I barked._

"_H-he just shows that he loves me in that way," James pushed me away from him, I can tell he was getting mad, but I didn't care at this point because I was getting mad as well._

"_That's not love James!" I yelled._

"_Yes it is," James yelled back, "For me it is, and if y-you can't accept that then leave!"_

"_Wait James, I didn't mean-"I was cut off again._

"_Yes, you did!" James snaps, "You hate me that why, you don't love me like Trevor does, so leave me alone!" Before I could register what was going on, I was outside of James' house and the door was closed in front of me._

Now I was lying in my bed for an entire week, since I had that fight with James, because of that Trevor, who gets to have James' unconditional love, and not even caring if he had James or not. James was only his punching bag, and nothing else, but James was much more than that, for me he was.

But James doesn't care what I thought of him, he had Trevor for that. James hasn't talked to me, hasn't called me or texted me, since the fight, I knew he could live his entire life without me. But I couldn't live without him, so when I finally got up from my bed, I headed to James' house.

20 minutes it took for me to stand there looking at James' front door, until I finally knock. I was shock to see James answering, he was a messed. His usually perfect hair was sticking out in many directions, his hazel eyes were dark brown, and dark circle hung under his eyes, showing me that he haven't had much sleep. He wrapped his body with a blanket, showing that he was probably lying down.

"James?" I said slowly and quietly. James backed away showing me I could enter, so I did, closing the door softly.

"What happen?" Was all I could ask; maybe he was so lost without me, like I was with him.

"Trevor broke up with me," James whisper, immediately my heart started to ache.

"H-he did," I tried to speak normally.

"Yeah, he said I was a pathetic loser, who couldn't take a few hits, and needs his friend to protect him," James looked at me; his eyes were filled with sorrow. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, but the word didn't come out only silence did.

"Kendall, I-I'm sorry, I screamed at you, I was just," James stopped himself. "I was angry at myself."

"James," I whispered.

"No, you have nothing to be sorry about; Trevor is gone, so there he won't hit me anymore happy now?" But I wasn't, why would James say that I was happy, when he wasn't.

"No, James, I am not happy," I said looking at him seeing his eyes were filled with tears.

"You should be," James grumbled.

"James how did you know Trevor loved you?" I asked James ignoring the angry looked that he gave me.

"Well he," I cut him off.

"Did he look after you when you had a nightmare?" I recalled the many times James called me when he had a bad dream and the many times I came over and told him there was nothing to be scared about, "Or did he just smiled because you are smiling? Or has he told you looked beautiful when you wake up even though your hair was messy and you had no makeup on?" James frowned and shook his head.

"Then tell me how did you know he was in loved with you," I paused and sighed, "Like I'm in love with you?"

"Kenny, you love me?" I heard his voice quiver.

"Yes, James, I do, with my heart, and I-I know you don't love me, I know you love Trevor and I just want to say can we still be friends?" My eyes filled with tears.

"How can you?" James whispered.

"James, you're the most beautiful, fun loving, and the most amazing person I met," I couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

"Kenny, I-I was so miserable," James looked away from me.

"I-I know you miss Trevor," My heart ache as I said his name.

"No, I was miserable, because I thought you hated me, because I thought that you never wanted to talk to me, to even see me anymore," James choked out. "I lied to you, Kenny."

"Yes, you lied to me, about missing me," I looked at him shaking my head.

"No! I could never lied to you about that," James paused as he looked at me, "About me loving Trevor, I never did, I-I love you Kenny. I do with all my heart."

"No, you are just lying," I refused to hear James' words.

"That's not true, I can't live without you, and I never knew you can ever love me," James said, I couldn't take it, hearing his voice sound so sad, so lost, so I wrapped my arms around him, like I used to whenever he was scared.

"James, I love you," I repeated in his ears, swaying back and forth in a slow moment, as if we were dancing to a slow music.

"Kenny, you are my Prince Charming that I finally found," James looked up at me.

"And what's Trevor?" I questioned as I smiled.

"He was another_ frog_," James grinned as he saw me raised a brow. "Kenny, don't you know that you have to kiss a lot of _frogs_ before you find your Prince Charming."

"But how you know I'm your Prince Charming, we haven't kissed yet?" I grinned as I blew air onto James' lips, to see them quiver.

"So I-I guess we could, well you know," I knew James was practically begging me to kiss him.

"I guess we could," I teased as my lips hovered over his.

"Kenny," James whimpered. I ginned as I finally connected my lips with his. I couldn't tell if it was sparks, or fireworks but the kiss was practically amazing for me. When I finally pulled away, I saw James flushed cheeks, I knew he liked the kiss to.

"That was," James tried to regain his breathe.

"I know," I grinned. "I guess I am your Prince Charming."

"I guess you are," James grinned as we connected our lips once more.


	7. G is for goodbye

**G is for Goodbye, it's a bit of a sour sweet oneshot filled with little oneshots, "So hold her closer when she cries, hold her closer when she feels. She needs a hand to hold, someone who will never let her go again. And hold him closer when he tries to hold the tears back from his eyes. Don't say goodbye." Song: Hold Her Closer by: Blessid Union of Souls**

G is for Goodbye

Kendall looked at his phone, he been staring at his phone for hours, waiting for a call. He knew he had messed up, and now he was paying the price, tears were starting to stream down his cheek now. As he finally came to conclusion, that he was never coming back to him, not even how much he plead or the many times he said sorry the brunette wasn't his anymore.

He realized couldn't feel the pretty boy's heartbeat, he couldn't kiss the brunette, and most importantly he couldn't wrap his arms around James, when the blonde was crying. His heart pounded on his ribcage, practically making the blonde boy cry even more. He pushed his luck, and now he didn't have his love of his life.

Why did he do, he had no clue. He was to blame, but he kept denying it, true he kissed Jo, no he made out with Jo, but he didn't want to. He knew Jo and anyone else he meets wouldn't compare to what he had, and now he couldn't have James. He lied and cheated and now the beautiful brunette had left him. He turned on his phone, to see sob even more to see his screen was a picture of him and James hugging, but his mind reminded him that he at least have the memory of being with James.

_I looked so happy when I was wrapped in his arms,_ Kendall smiled. Remembering the day he realized he was in loved with James.

_It was when his dad, left his family was when he realized that he wasn't brave or powerful, he was weak. It was also the day he realized he loved James, when an entire week of his dad not being there, Kendall couldn't take it. He kept hearing Katie and his mom cried and he couldn't even comfort them, he was just too vulnerable. He would sit on his bed and stared at his celling trying to not to cry, that's how James found him._

"_K-Kendall," He heard James' though it was at a whisper._

"_Oh, hey J-James," Kendall said try to keep his voice even._

"_Kendall, I-I know you are sad, b-but it's okay," James' voice squeaked, Kendall shrugged it off saying to himself that James was probably hitting puberty or something, they were only twelve._

"_James," He sighed and gave James a wary smiled. "I'm fine."_

"_Really Kendall, t-then why haven't you gotten out of your r-room, it's been like three days?" James stammered._

"_Well... I-I," Kendall sighed he couldn't lie to James, "F-fine, I'm just feel so w-weak that I can't h-help my mom and K-Katie from crying, from hurting."_

"_Oh, Kenny," James came towards Kendall, and wrapped his arms around the boy carefully as if Kendall was a fragile piece of glass. "It's okay to be scare, to be weak."_

"_N-not it's not," Kendall felt tears run down his cheek as he clutch until James like he was his life support._

"_It is, Kenny, to be scare is normal," James used his thumb to whip away Kendall fallen tears._

"_Jamie," Kendall wept more._

"_Shh… it's okay I'm here," James hummed, as he rubbed Kendall back trying to sooth the broken boy. Kendall remember that they stayed like that for so long, that when he realized it felt so good to be held by James, he felt so protected and so relaxed, that's when he realized he loved the pretty boy._

Kendall wept more; he missed that feeling of protection. He needed James, but James didn't need him, since Kendall had cheated on James, Kendall didn't deserve James, not one ounce. But Kendall knew without James, he couldn't survive, so he would stay in his room, so no one could see how weak and fragile Kendall had become because of the beautiful brunette named James.

_No! Look at yourself, Kendall, get a hold of yourself, you can't just stay here in your room, you needed to go and talk to James, _Kendall to himself as he wiped his tears away. He weakly got up from his bed, and slowly started walking out of his room, to meet the cold and darkness of his empty apartment. Since James broke up with him, and moved out of their apartment, and moved to Logan's and Carlos' apartment. Kendall had felt so lonely without his lively brunette, who would've brought life into his apartment, but now it was so quiet and dark. Which made Kendall start crying once more, to remember the many nights James and him had in the lonesome apartment.

"_Kenny, let's see this movie," James jumped up and down their couch._

"_Okay, James just calm down, and let's get the popcorn started," Kendall chuckled at his boyfriend's excitement._

"_But Kenny, how can I not be excited," James jumped off the couch, and landed right in front of Kendall, surprising the blonde, "When I have the best boyfriend in the world."_

_Kendall gasp as James wrapped his arms around the blonde, and pulled him to a passionate kiss. Kendall was in pure bliss to feel his boyfriend's tongue and trace his bottom lip. Asking Kendall for access, which Kendall didn't mind at all, James' tongue started mapping out Kendall's mouth. Which made Kendall gasp even more, James took the opportunity to lift up the blonde, who did not notice he was being lifted, until James placed on the couch, and the fact that James separated his lips with Kendall's. Before Kendall could protest, James quickly said with a smirked, "Let me do the popcorn, beautiful." Kendall blushed at the compliment, knowing he wasn't as beautiful as James, James skipped away to the kitchen with a huge grin plaster on his face._

Kendall was finally out of the apartment and he started walking to Carlos' and Logan's apartment, hoping to find James there, so he could tell the boy he was sorry, truly sorry. He looked back at his car, and shrugged it off; he was too depressed to take his car.

Putting his hands in his pockets, he trudged forward, avoiding glances from people, who seemed concern, when they saw the blonde was crying. Soon, Kendall came to a stop, when he felt a drop of cold water touch his forehand. _Oh, great it's raining, _he sighed to himself. Kendall began to walk once more tough rain kept pouring on him. His tears started to combine with the clouds' own tears, as he remembered James and his first kiss.

_It been their first date, and both were nervous, as they stood in front of James' door, and they both were getting soaked by the pouring rain, but they didn't seem to care as they looked in each other's eyes_

"_I had a great time, Kendall," James was the first to speak._

"_Hmm… yeah, it was great, til it rain," Kendall recalled as he remembered he and James had a perfect picnic, until they felt drops of rain…_

"_Yeah, but I love the rain, though it messes with my hair," James chuckled._

"_Well… hmm… see you later," Kendall bit his lower lip in nervousness, as he started to walk away, until he felt James pulled him back._

"_Don't I get my good night kiss?" James asked as he looked down at Kendall's lip. Kendall froze, as million thoughts rushed to his head. He always thought about kissing James, but now that he gets the chance to actually kiss the beautiful brunette, "R-really."_

"_Yes, silly," James chuckled at Kendall. Kendall quickly rushed to kiss the pretty boy; he couldn't believe he gets to kiss James. He was practically shaking as he closed his eyes, and lean forward. Kendall's lips touch something war but when he quickly open his eyes to see he kissed James' cheek._

_A bright blush, crept on Kendall's cheeks, "I-I missed." James burst into laughter, as he knew Kendall had messed up, "L-let me help you." One of James hands came to Kendall's cheek and started to rub it smoothly, as his other hands snaked its way to the back of Kendall's head, and started playing with the golden locks of hair. He slowly leaned forward and pressed his wet cold lips with Kendall's._

Kendall looked up, to see Logan's and Carlos' apartment, he sighed as he got the guts to enter the building. Thoughts rushed in his head, as he was finally going to see James in so long. His heart pounded in his chest as he knocked on the door. No answer, he sighed no one's home, Kendall was about to leave til he heard a soft whimper, "Whose there?"

Kendall gasped it was James' voice, it seemed so broken, "Jamie, it's me."

"K-Kendall," James' voice cracked.

"Jamie, l-let me in, p-please we ne-need to t-talk, I missed y-you," Kendall stammered.

"No, K-Kendall, you broke my heart," James voice got wary.

"Jamie, please forgive me I miss you, so much, I can't live without you," Kendall held back his tears that were bursting to come out. James open to the door to look at a very wet and very broken Kendall, James' heart broke. "Kendall."

"Jamie, please I-I miss y-you, I-I was retarded to make out with Jo, I-I-I was so confused-d about us, I-I t-thought I d-didn't d-deserve y-you, I'm not g-good enough for you, y-you're s-so perfect, s-so beautiful, I-I'm not. T-that's why I-I cheated on y-you, I c-couldn't break for y-y-you, b-because I-I knew y-you were just b-being nice and-d so I-I gave you a reason why-y t-to b-r-break up with m-me," Kendall admitted crying harder.

"Oh, Kenny," James couldn't take it, his heart may have been shattered in pieces because of the blonde, but he stilled love the blonde, and he couldn't live without Kendall, his Kendall. "I-I miss you so much." He hugged Kendall, tightly, afraid if he let go off Kendall, he'll disappeared.

"Jamie, I love you," Kendall looked up at James.

"Love you too," James smiled happily.

"And Jamie?" Kendall kissed James' cheek.

"Yeah?" James turned worry.

"Never say _goodbye_ to me," Kendall snuggled closer to James.

"Never," James promised, as he connected his lips with Kendall's.


	8. H is for how

**So… for H is for how, "People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel" -Irwin Federman **

H is for how

Kendall bounced up and down on his bed, he looked so cute, but that still didn't change the situation that was playing in front of me. I sat on my bed, my head hung low as I hear Kendall's beautiful voice tell me the news that made me want to break down and cry, but I kept myself from it, knowing if I did Kendall would figure out I loved him…

"James, are you listening," My head shot up, hearing his heavenly voice speak my name.

"Oh sorry Kendall," I paused as looked back down to stare at my feet, not wanting to make eye contact with the blonde's beautiful green orbs which I would just loose myself every time I stared at them, "W-what happened today that got you so happy and jumpy?" I asked wanting to know if it was true that the blonde that stole my heart, has fallen for a _slut._

"Okay guess I have to tell u again," Kendall hopped down from his bed and surprising me as he quickly landed next to me. "So you know Jo, right well guess what?"

I could hear the exclamation points in his voice, _how_ he was so excited and so happy to just talk about Jo. _How_ envy rose in me, as I could almost feel his heart pouncing; _how_ it seemed his heart would pop out of his chest any second now. "Yeah, I know her, what about h-her?" I looked up to see, Kendall smile spread even more.

"Well, I have a date with her, and I just can't wait," Kendall immediately lost his energy and happiness, as he said the last part in a whisper.

"Kendall?" I raised my brow, as straighten myself out, having the fear that he saw through my mask and found out I was in pain.

"What's wrong Jamie?" He looked sad and a slow unpleasant frowned appeared on his face, I almost felt my heart crumbling at that very second. To see how much pain and sadness I just brought the blonde beauty.

"Nothing is wrong," I shook my head as I felt my mind and heart shouting in unison, _everything is wrong. Everything.._.

"Jamie," he said with a soft whisper, as he brought his hand to my cheek. My eyes fluttered to the touch as I felt his ghostly fingertips rubbed my eye lids. _No, stop fooling yourself, he loves Jo, and he hates you. _I hear the back of my mind speak, I flashed my eyes opened to see Kendall soft smile. _He secretly hates you, you know he does_. I felt unshed tears bottled up in my eyes, knowing they would soon glide down my cheek unwilling. So before my tears were obvious I stood up and I just ran off leaving him sitting on my bed dumbfounded.

That what happened hours ago and now I was walking around the halls of the hotel, not caring where I ended up, or where I was going. I stopped dead in my tracks as I felt my entire body shake, there in front of me stood Jo, and she was making out with a guy, not Kendall. They stopped dead in their tracks, Jo pushed the guy of as she tried to look innocent, the guy was completely confused, as he sighed and started to walk away.

"Oh, hey Jamie," Her voice stung my ears as she used my nickname, that I only let Kendall call me. "What's up?" Anger rose in me, as I felt my mind made realization Jo doesn't deserve the beautiful blonde named Kendall, "Why were you making out with that guy."

"Oh, him, oh it's nothing," She gave me a pout trying to look adorable, only Kendall can look adorable in a pout to me at least, "Just nothing."

_Disgust, _that what the word that came to me as I saw Jo. "_H-how _could you, you're dating Kendall," The pain to admit that Jo was dating Kendall and I wasn't made my heart crash into millions of pieces.

"Well, it better stay like that," Jo threaten, she was threating me, _**how**_ _dare she?_ "You don't want Kendall to be heart broken, now do you really want that?"

I wanted to scream, to cry, I want to do something, but I just stood there, mouth open, but no words bursting out. "That's what I thought, now just be quiet about this whole thing and everyone will be happy." _Except me, of course… _like that she was gone, to who knows where, but probably trying to find the guy she was making out before I interrupted.

I lean against the wall as I felt my heart turned to millions of shattered pieces that couldn't be mended back to normal. _No you won't cry, you just won't. _I could my mind say. To realize my mind was right, if I can't have Kendall, than at least I will help Jo, knowing it was wrong, but Kendall needed to be given the love that he truly deserve, though I wished that I, myself, would give Kendall that love. But I couldn't, but Jo could…

I lean on the wall, not knowing how long, making a good plan to confront Jo and tell her everything that made Kendall special, the reasons why I loved him. I remember that Kendall told me he was taking Jo to a fancy restaurant, so that's why I snuck into the restaurant and was pretending to be a waiter.

I serve people like a normal waiter screwing up now and then. I was trying to fix the mess that I caused when I crashed into a cart filled with food, luckily Jo and Kendall didn't notice the mess and the sound I made. "Hey, I going to bathroom," My head and body sprung up as I heard Kendall's beautiful voice sat up; leaving Jo sitting there alone, this was the perfect moment. I quickly came towards Jo, ignoring the calls that came from different tables.

"Jo," I said as I stood right by her.

"James?" Jo looked up, her eyelids flutter.

"Jo, I need to tell you something," I bit my lower lip.

"Oh James, I'm sorry I'm dating Kendall," Jo said with a smirk, I wanted to burst into laughter as if she just told a hilarious joke.

"What!" I said loudly, people were now staring, so I started to whisper not wanting more unwanted stares, "I'm not asking you out, I needed to tell you that if you want to date Kendall, you should at least know him and know how to treat him with some love at least." Jo just nodded raising a brow, I took a deep breathe, "Kendall likes it when I tried to make him laugh even when the joke is not even funny, and we always have random tickle fights. He hates when I'm negative or I'm sad so I'm always happy when I'm near him. He likes it when I smile at him because he starts to smile, even when he's sad and he absolutely loves hugging, and his favorite ice cream is cookie dough, because he thinks that it's two desserts in one and I love it when I buy him cookie dough ice cream cause he have the biggest smile that I ever seen. He hates raining days, so I always try to cheer him up, by hugging him or by distracting him and he's so confident and so protective." I wanted to tell her more, as I felt my heart pouring out at every word.

"Why are you telling me this?" Jo questioned, without thinking and knowing Jo was going to have Kendall, she should at least know that I wanted Kendall, "I'm in love with him." I could see Jo's face was shocked, her mouth wide open no words coming out, and her eyes were wide open and they were filled with surprise, and I could hear people whispering around us.

"J-James?" I froze; knowing the voice, hoping it wasn't Kendall, but knowing it was him as I turned around, and tears broke loose as I saw there stood Kendall, mouth open wide.

"I-I," My body reacted by itself, as if was on auto, because I just started running, not caring the looks I got, and the voices I heard. I ran all the way to Palm Wood's and I didn't stop til I was in the hotel. Unfortunately Carlos and Logan were watching T.V. when I burst in. I felt the sweat pouring down my head, my legs felt numb and my body was practically shaking, not because I ran.

Logan looked up from the couch and immediately he had his doctor face on, but I ignored it as I went to the bathroom. Locking the bathroom door, I couldn't hold it any longer as I started to cry. Tears and sweat mixed together, as I tried to wipe both off.

"James, are you alright?" I heard Logan's voice filled with concern.

"I-I'm fine," I said as I tried to make an excuse, "Just my hair is messed up." Which was true, my hair was jumbled around, sticking out in many directions; _how _I would've immediately fix my hair trying to impressed Kendall, but now there's no point in fixing it, trying to make it perfect even though it never was enough to impressed the blonde beauty.

"Do you want some chocolate milk?" I heard Carlos' voice called out; I could imagine the look Logan gave him practically telling him how's that going to help?

"Hmm… sure, Carlos," I smiled though seeing _how _my friends tried to help a looser like myself. Chills ran through my body as I heard the door bust open, knowing it was the beautiful blonde. I could imagine Carlos and Logan were surprise in Kendall's roughness towards the door.

"Hey Kendall what's wrong, you looked like you seen a ghost," Carlos paused, "Have you?" Kendall didn't answer; he was too busy questioning them about me; "H-have you guys seen James?" Kendall's voice sounded mad, no furious, I knew he wouldn't feel the same. I sighed as I knew I couldn't run from him anymore, it was only right to do so.

"Y-yeah he's in the bathroom," Logan finally spoke after an awkward silence. No sooner when Logan's word finally sank into Kendall, I could hear Kendall, practically trying to open the door to realize I'd locked it.

"James!" Kendall's voice boomed, now he was pounding on the door. I sighed, as I slug towards the door unlocking it and opening the door. Kendall stood there pale as a ghost like Carlos had described, while Logan and Carlos gave me concerned looks.

"James," Kendall's voice turned to a whisper. I sighed once more embracing myself for the worst.

"K-Kendall," I felt my voice cracking, my eyes began to water, tears started to leak out, I couldn't controlled my body anymore. "I-I can change, I can, please don't hate me, but you probably do, I-I just want to be friends still, p-please?"

Kendall turned uneasy, as he bit his bottom lip and he twiddled his fingers, he looked adorable at this point. His green jeweled eyes met mine, as I gasp as I saw his eyes weren't filled with hatred, or hate, but love. "B-but, I want to be more than friends."

"What?" I turned uneasy afraid that it was a cruel joke Kendall was trying to pull.

"James Diamond, I'm in love with you, when I heard you tell Jo about me, I heard the great things you told her about _me,_" Kendall sighed as his hand ran through his golden locks, "And then you told her that you loved me, I couldn't believe it. Was I dreaming James? Was I imagining that you could love someone like _me_?" Kendall and I stared at each other, I haven't notice I was breathing heavily, until the silence settled in, try to hold my calmness and not wanting to bounce around and trying not to start yelling, 'Kendall loves me!' out loud. "What about Jo?" I asked wanting to know if it was true that Kendall loves me and only me.

"Jamie, I-I only dated her cause I wanted to forget you, knowing that you could never love me," Kendall paused and chuckled as he stated, "I actually left Jo there at the restaurant, I was too worry about you, when you ran off I thought that you were hurt or something. Maybe even crazy because I heard you say you loved me."

"I do," I nodded, "So much Kenny, and I thought if I can't have you, and Jo can, at least I should tell Jo what you don't like and what you absolutely love."

"I absolutely love you, Jamie," Kendall came towards me, and slowly raised his hand and softly caress my check like before I fluttered my eyes slowly, but this time I didn't run off. I could feel his hot breathe hit my warm wet lips. I could also feel his lips hover over mine; unfortunately we heard the sound of someone clearing their throat.

We quickly opened our eyes to stare at Logan and Carlos, who were grinning none stop. "Well… hmmm…" Kendall tried to form a sentence.

"Uh-huh," Carlos smirked.

"J-James and I-I are dating," Kendall turned to me looking at me with hopeful eyes, "Are we?"

My heart fluttered to hear Kendall's words as I grinned happily, "Yup, we are dating."

"Congratulations now can Carlos and I go back to our date?" Logan grunted.

"Of course Logie," Carlos grabbed Logan's hand and dragged him back to the couch while Kendall and I burst out in laughter.


	9. I is for ignorance

**Thanks for the reviews and sorry I have been updating really late. I is for Ignorance, Kendall saves James from himself kinda of story. "If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them." Isaac Asimov **

I is for ignorance

_Why?_ Was all Kendall was thinking as heard the silent murmurs and occasional sobbing coming from the closed bathroom door; his heart throb almost bursting out from the pain that was surrounding it. He had never realized the pretty boy was in pain, to realize him, Kendall, had not done anything to rescue the brunette from himself, from suffering.

Kendall frowned to realized that he was frozen he couldn't barge in the bathroom, could he? Then what? Tell James that he shouldn't be so depressed, so sad, and what if he accidently told James that he loved him? It will just make James freaked out, and he'll just become mad at him that he'll could turned even more melancholia and he couldn't live with the fact that James would hate him. But Kendall couldn't just stand by and see his best friend, his band mate, and his crush destroyed himself little by little, it'll just destroy Kendall's every being.

So he simply knocked on the door while ignoring the thoughts that kept haunting his head. He could hear a bit shuffling and the closing and opening of different bathroom cabinets. Kendall's lips quiver to hear James was hiding something from him. Finally the door opened, well more of just a little crack, "James," Kendall said at a whisper, afraid if he talked any louder he would yell. James slowly let the door opened; waiting for Kendall to say anything more, but nothing seemed to be spoken.

They didn't speak, they both nothing needed to said, nothing. They knew that the other knew what was going on. So slowly ever so slowly James stepped out, not daring to look at Kendall at the point being. But Kendall having the courage, he looked at James, directly at him. "Why?" Was all Kendall could say, was the only word that Kendall could think of that was going through his head.

"Because…" James trailed still looking down to the floor.

"J-James, do y-you cut yourself?" Kendall slowly crept closer to James, though James didn't notice Kendall movements. James just turned around and tried to head back to the bathroom, but he couldn't as he felt himself being twirl around and realized he was now facing Kendall. Kendall looked so broken more than James as if James was part of him; his hair was flustered and randomly sticking out, his lips were quivering and quaking. James could only awe as he looked at Kendall finally; James came up with one phrase that could only describe Kendall at this instant _like a lost puppy._

Before James could realized what was going on, Kendall had grabbed his wrist. Pulling them towards him; while James tried to not to wince in pain, though Kendall notice and insistently frowned at James reaction.

"K-Kendall," James finally spoke his lips cringing as he did. "D-don't."

"No, I-I gotta check if it's true," Kendall's body shaking in fear; making James look away not wanting to see Kendall reaction when he sees his wrist. "J-James look at me, please, look at me." James slowly lifted his head up to see bottled green eyes filled with overwhelming emotions. Kendall sighed as he shifted his weight around biting his lower lip as he did, cautiously he let go of one of James' wrist. Using his now free hand, he slowly lifted it up to James' face. James closed his eyes shut excepting to be punch, hit, or something to happen but nothing came; instead he felt Kendall's trembling clammy hand slowly stroke his now flushed cheek.

"K-Kendall, stop it," James reluctantly broke the intolerable silence. Kendall sighed as he hesitantly let his hand slowly lower away from James' cheek, but soon he had his hand attach to James' neck, his cold fingers brushing James' hot humid skin. James shuddered at the new contact as he felt Kendall's ghost like finger tips toy with a strand of his hair.

James closed his eyes enjoying the feeling of Kendall messing. Kendall smiled as he carefully used his other hand, which was still attached to James' wrist, carefully pulling up James' sleeve. He almost choked out tears as he saw white bands of gauze; he let his thumb traced the blood lines that were viewable. James' eyes flashed open, tears filling them as he saw Kendall just staring blanking at his wrist. "K-Kendall," James paused as he felt Kendall's gripped on his wrist more firmly. "I c-can explain."

"How is it? J-James, tell me," Kendall bite the inside of his cheek as he saw how broke James really was.

"Y-you see I-I," James paused and sighed as he turned around not wanting to face Kendall at that point. "I'm so lost, Kendall, that I sometimes I don't even know where I am, I'm so confused, Kendall, that I don't know myself at certain points of the day, and Kendall the only way I can get myself back i-is when I c-cut myself it brings me back to earth."

"Oh, James," Kendall once more turned James around to see tears flowing down his cheeks, "You don't have to do this. Let me help please? I c-can make you happy, a-and, and I can make everything better please let me help you."

"K-Kendall you can't," James shook his head in disagreement.

"W-why can't I?" Kendall pursed his lips. "Tell me, I'm your best friend, I always been there, please, let me help."

"Y-you can't help me," James sighed, "I d-don't disserve it-"

"D-don't say that I can help y-you, I-I will always be there for you," Kendall lifted his hands up as he clenched James' shoulders with them.

"K-Kendall y-you can't, I-I'm just a lost cause," James shook violently as he looked at Kendall straight in the eye.

"No you're not, don't you dare say that, you're so beautiful and kind and you're so passionate," Kendall spluttered out. Making James blushed but quickly shaking his head in disagreement once more. "Kendall s-stop it, y-you're just lying to yourself."

"James," Kendall clenched James' shoulder even tighter making him gasped, "I'm not lying to myself, I could lie about something like this, and I could never lie to you, especially you."

"W-why?" James lips quiver in hope as his heart beat faster.

"I-I like you a lot," Kendall looked away trying to hide the blush, "L-like more than a friend."

"Oh, K-Kendall," James fell into Kendall, surprising Kendall, as he couldn't support both him and James as he fell back, onto his bed.

"James," Kendall looked up at James having a cheesy grin plaster on his face.

"Kendall, guess what?" James chuckled.

"What?"

"I like you too," James bent down letting his noes touch Kendall's. "More than a friend."

"So…"

"So…" James looked at Kendall with desire in his eyes. Kendall pressed his body up as he pulled James ever so closer to him; finally smashing his lips with his. James pushed away tears in his eyes not from sadness but from joy. "I'll let you help me, if you let me be your boyfriend."

"I would be happy to be your boyfriend," Kendall grinned grew even bigger as he pressed his lips on to James' lips once more.


	10. J is for Just

**J is for Just, Jo/ Kendall/ James… hope you enjoy it; "Run your fingers through my soul. For once, **_**just**_** once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; **_**just**_** once, understand."**

J is for Just

There he was arms around her, why she giggled so innocently, envy rose through my veins. Feeling the jealousy boil through my body, he was a liar and he knows he lied to me, not just once but multiple times. He broke so many dates, he broke so many promises and most importantly he broke my heart so many times. Though I, being the fool, would pick up the pieces of my heart and forgive him every single time. But, today was different, everything is going to change today and I going to make him change.

I was sitting far from them and I was chatting with Carlos and Logan, but I always kept my eyes on _them_ and not pay attention to the conversion I was supposed to in.

"James," Logan shook my shoulder a bit. I turned to him angrily to realize he stop me from spying on _them._

"Yeah?" I raised a brow as I gave him the look that I didn't want to be disturbed at the moment.

"Hmm…" Logan choked as saw how my eyes flared at him. "I-I was wondering what was wrong?" He said it more as a question that he was asking himself. I didn't want to talk at all so I decided to leave before I did something stupid, mumbling that I needed a bath I got up and left Carlos and Logan with worried looks. But right now I didn't care, right now I cared in confronting Kendall and Jo, and right now I didn't give a damned that I was in love with Kendall.

So I walked towards them, they stilled giggled at each other not noticing me, until they noticed I blocked the warm sun. "Hey James," Kendall gives me a warm smile, "You're blocking the sun."

"I know," I stated not caring that Kendall gave me a perplexed look.

"Well can you move over just a bit?" Jo tilted her head a bit as she fluttered her eyes at me, slut…

"No…" I turned to Kendall ignoring Jo's pout, "Can we talk?"

"Hmm… sure," He turned to so giving her a lovely smiled as he kissed her cheek, "See you later?"

"Of course," She winks as she gets up and walks away.

"So… what you want?" Kendall's words wore a frown. I could feel my heart once more shatter, as my fist clenched.

"What I want, I want a real relationship, Kendall," I looked at him dead in the eye; his bottled green eyes looked dull as if he was entirely bored.

"Jamie," My chest ache when I heard his calm voice use my nickname, "I told you we are in a relationship-"

"And I'm supposed to be your, your boy t-toy and then you have Jo like she was a side dish!" I cut him off, my eyes filled with unshed tears.

"N-no James," Kendall turned offended, "You know I'm only dating her for publicity for the band and I only l-love you."

"No, you don't at least not anymore," I choked as I felt tears sliding down my cheek. "I'm so tired of you breaking up our plans and I'm tired that you going after her in front of me, even though I told you I didn't like that. I'm tired that when she calls you go to her even though we're on a date, you _just_ leave me there alone… Even when I call you, you never come to me, you tell me you're busy or you're with t-that slut."

"She's not a slut," Kendall said in a low voice almost sounded hurt, almost...

"Yes she is!" I could feel people's eyes on us but somehow I didn't care at this point. "And you know what else I'm tired of you!" And I_ just_ walk away; I knew that when I told him that he was probably shrugging it off like I said was nothing… like I was nothing. I walked to Kendall's and my room, and I quickly went to the bathroom.

I looked at my reflection, for it seemed like forever I stared at that mirror in disbelief, I seemed so broken. Dark circles hung under my eyes, my hair was sprung in different direction, and I could see I was shaking, not that I noticed it before. I sighed as I lay on the bathroom floor not knowing what to do; my heart pounded harshly against my weak chest from the realization I couldn't call Kendall mine anymore, even though I couldn't say it in the past either.

"James," I push myself up hearing Carlos' and Logan's voice. I quickly fixed my broken image lastly I tried to fix my hair as they burst in.

"Are you okay? You and Kendall were practically yelling at each other," Carlos blurted out the obvious.

"Yeah, I am," I lied.

"Well, good," Logan gave an unconvinced looked.

"I'll make corndogs," Carlos ran off, of course, Logan stayed eyeing me with an uneasy look, "What did he do?" Logan and Carlos were the only ones that knew that Kendall and I are, were, dating.

"W-well, where is he?" I had to know first before I told Logan anything.

"Last time, I checked he was talking to Jo again…" He bit his bottom lip, knowing that he knew about the situation that was happening with Kendall and I; I sighed, "I broke up with him," Logan's eyes widen. "He doesn't even care." I felt tears once more sliding down my cheek.

"Oh, James," Logan sighed, "Should I talk to him?"

"N-no, I wanted to break up with him, I'm tired of the shit he gives me and if he wants a slut he can have her," I said tried to breathe calmly.

"Well, I'm here if you want to talk," Logan gave a sympathetic looked as I nodded.

"The corndogs are ready!" We hear Carlos' voice. We chuckled at our hyperactive friend as we walk to the kitchen silently… Logan and Carlos ate the corndogs quickly, while I _just _nibbled on mine. Carlos observed my action, "Are you okay James?" I stared at Logan with help me here glance and Logan sighed, as he explains what had happened. Carlos stops munching all together; he seemed paralyzed for a second. Eyes flashing different emotion: concern, worried, fury. He launch forward at me as I soon felt myself being given a tight hug. He just stood there clutching me tightly; finally he released me from his constricted hug. I was out of breathed by then, "Sorry, James. But you need to talk to Kendall, maybe everything will turn out okay?" However I knew and Carlos and Logan knew that everything wasn't going to be okay, not for a while.

The rest of the day I spent the day in Kendall's and my room; I secretly traded my pillow with Kendall. I was vulnerable, defenseless and I needed to have my mind clear from the pain in my aching chest, I needed to remember the fun times I had with Kendall. The aroma of Kendall soon filled my nostrils, but I frowned as I whiffed the bittersweet fragrance of perfume. Why? Even in our room; tears soon flowed down my flushed cheeks, my lips quivered violently. I soon had the energy to throw Kendall's pillow across the room, and grabbing mine, stuffing my face into it.

My body stiffened when I heard the front door harshly opening; and I could tell Logan and Carlos had been waiting for Kendall to show up. "Why? Kendall, I thought you loved him?" Logan barked.

"Yeah, Kendall, you paid more attention to that slut than you did to James," Carlos added, I smiled happily as Carlos agreed that Jo was a slut.

"I don't need this," Kendall snapped back.

"Well James doesn't need you," Logan growled.

"Yeah, Logan's right, do you know James actually thought you were the one," I still do think he is the one.

"No, he doesn't," Kendall sighed, "Well not anymore."

"Well, you screwed things up," Carlos snapped.

"And now you can't fix it," Logan added.

"Just let me deal with my problems," Kendall growled as I heard his steps becoming louder and louder, soon stopping at his and my room. I heard the sound of the door slowly creeping open, and light footsteps were heard. I shut my eyes closed, pretending to have fallen asleep. The door slightly shut closed, I prayed to god that Kendall will _just _ignore me.

"J-Jamie?" Kendall's voice sounded as if he was a lost 5 years old. I didn't move just lay there, eyes closed, breathing as normal as I can, and practically hiding my head with my pillow. I heard shuffling coming all over the room until I felt my bed gaining weight, and realized Kendall was right next to me. "Jamie, please wake up, I need to tell that I broke things off with Jo, a-and I practically begging you to come back to me," He sighed, "I know I was a horrible, well I was the worst boyfriend probably in the world and you probably deserve someone that will treat like you're the most beautiful, most talented, most kindest person in the world, which you are. And I wish you can give me another chance, even though you did a thousand times before, but this time I will show you how much I love you, not by having sex like we always do, but I want to take you to where you want to go, I'll even go window shopping if you asked me," I wanted to start crying as I heard each word pour out of Kendall's heart, "And I will give anything you want, even if its expansive. If you want me to leave you alone, and never ever talk to you again, then I will do_ just_ for you, even though it probably killed me if you do say that," He sighed. "_Just_ please wake up so I can tell you that I love you."

"I'm already awake," I flutter my eyes opened, to see Kendal's eyes wide open his lip was gaping open too, while a blanket of scarlet appeared on his cheeks of the embarrassment. "And Kendall, I don't what to say." I admitted

"Well don't… I understand if you hate me right now," Kendall looked down as he fiddled with his fingers, "And if you want me to leave, so you can be alone then I will leave, for you. _Just _listen when I tell you that I love you."

"K-Kendall, you broke my heart so many times," I started to speak, "You left in the rain on my birthday cause Jo felt lonely, I gave you roses and you threw them away, and whenever we're alone all you want to do is have sex." I bit my bottom lip as I, for the first time, saw Kendall crying and not hiding his face or whipping away the tears. No, he _just _let them fall down his flushed cheeks. I sighed, "We never go out unless we have double dates with Carlos and Logan or you just wanted an excuse to leave 2J. And you told me that I was ugly even though you say that you were _just_ joking around, w-well I'm not. Kendall you put me in so much emotional pain, at first I thought I did something wrong, that was too ugly, or I was,_ just_ you know, not the perfect boyfriend."

"But you are the perfect boyfriend, I was the one that wasn't the perfect boyfriend," Kendall cried out, tears streamed down his cheek. "I was a jerk, a moron, a dumbass, and all I want to do is for you to forgive maybe even take me back."

"Kendall, I thought the last thing I wanted to do was forgive and even more I thought of never taking you back," Kendall flinched as I watch as clutch his chest, my hands slowly held the side of his cheeks, " And then I remember why I fell for you an well… I want you to still be mine, but I need you to do something?"

Kendall's eyes snapped up to, his eyes that had the usual dull emotion had now all sorts of emotion: Pain, happiness, shock, hope… and love. "What, Jamie, whatever it is I will do it."

"_Just_," I paused, "_Just_ love me."

"I always have."


	11. K is for Keep and Kept

**K is for Keep and Kept… sorta short but sad story...Thanks for the reviews! "To this day, and I'm sure a lot of widows and widowers feel this way, when I talk about (dating) and talk about the site, it hurts. I have to **_**keep**_** telling myself he would really want me to be happy." – Lisa Iannucci **

K is for Keep and Kept

It's been five years since Big Time Rush split up, five years since James death, and five years since Kendall had been really happy. Since five years, Logan had become a successful doctor, Carlos had become a respectable cop, and Kendall's had become a famous hockey player. Though he missed the beautiful brunette every day, how much pain the pretty boy left him, yet how much joy the boy had brought to Kendall in one night… Kendall will always remember as he always looks down on his hand to the silver ring that wrapped his trembling finger, he would always keep it there, he would always remember.

_Kendall will always go to the pool at night, maybe it was to calm down from a long day of singing and dancing, but his mind will always be occupied by one person: James. Oh, how he loved that brunette with all his love and how he always wanted to show the pretty boy how much he felt for him. James was absolutely perfect, he was James' world, his life; he would do anything to see one of James' perfect smile play on the pretty boy's lips. Yet James' looks didn't matter to Kendall; James' kind heart was what set him apart from everyone else, for Kendall at least._

"_Hey, K-Kendall may I sit?" Kendall's mind snapped back to reality as he saw the beautiful brunette that made his heart race at every glance of him._

"_Oh, y-yeah sure," Kendall stumbled to find the words to say to the perfect person that was now sitting next to him._

"_The moon, it's so beautiful," James' eyes never left Kendall's face._

"_Oh, yeah it is," Kendall paused and looked up seeing there was no moon on the night sky, "James, there's no moon."_

"_Oh, seems it isn't there tonight at least," James gave him a light smile._

"_So… what are you out here, James, I mean you can and all, but you never been here before, I mean I never seen you out here," Kendall babbled as he heard James chuckled softly. "I wanted to see something beautiful."_

"_But the moon is not up," Kendall was instantly confused._

"_I wasn't talking about the moon," Kendall's heart started bouncing around his fragile chest. James looked at him intensely, as James leaned closer to Kendall. Kendall found himself scooting closer to James. Their foreheads touched slightly, as the pressed closer together. "Kendall, I-I" James voiced quaked. "I have a lot to say and there is not of time, b-but I been having this dreading feeling that if I don't do this it'll haunt me for the longest time, so hmmm…"James' licked his chapped lips as he was trying to find the words, Kendall just gave him encouraging smiled hoping that James felt the same, "I-I love you Kendall, so much that I can't explain it, but I-I thought that if I gave you something to represent my love to you."_

"_Oh, James, I always dreamt of you loving me, and now it comes true, I love you too," Kendall leaned forward colleting his lips with James', who happily kissed back. Soon they pulled apart, and once more James' began to talk as tears filled his eyes," Kendall will you wear this ring to show you how much I truly love you," James took out a silver ring, illuminating in the moon less night._

"_Of course," Kendall grinned as he felt James taking his left hand and slipping the cool silver ring through his index finger. James looked up as his hazel eyes met Kendall's bottled green ones, and slowly lean once more connecting his lips with Kendall. They enjoyed the motion of their lips dance together in a harmonic symphony, but James separated from Kendall spluttering out weakly, "I need to get something stay right here."_

"_Hmm… okay," Kendall could feel James' harsh shaking. James quickly got up and started walking away, but turned back, "I love you Kendall forever."_

"_I love you too, James," Kendall gave him a weak smiled. Fear tugged at his heart telling him that something was wrong, "Forever."_

_He let the brunette leave him there by the side of the pool, and how much the blonde regret it. He waited there all night, and it was morning he reluctantly went upstairs. When he did finally reached 2J, his heart torn, as he saw everyone weeping, he kept asking what was wrong but every just wept harder, until his mom finally told him, "H-honey, James killed h-himself."_

"_What n-no that I can't be I-I," Kendall tried to find the words, "N-no it's not possible. I loved him no."_

"_Honey we all did," His mom hugged him tightly. Kendall just crumbled in his mother arms, crying yelling that it wasn't happening, not to James, not him._

Kendall _kept_ the ring, he never took it off afraid that he might loose and not have James' love anymore…


	12. L is for Lust and Love

**L is for… Love and Lust, "True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away." -Alicia Barnhart **

L is for Lust and Love

_Kendall sloppily kissed my neck, leaving a wet trail as his tongue slip down to my chest. My breathing became harsh as I knew it was getting out of control. My own heart was pounding up and down rapidly as I felt myself gaining my voice again, "K-Kendall we should s-stop r-right-t now."_

_Kendall stopped all together looking at me, need and want filled his bottled up eyes, "But I-I need-d a release, J-Jamie." That nickname that he gave me; will always make my knees weak and make he gets what he wants, and right now he wants to release and I'll give to him, "Okay…"_

The memory revolves in my head that I wasn't paying attention to Logan's lecture me on the homework we're supposed to do. But I couldn't help but think about Kendall, how I loved the blonde boy so much, but he will only use me for 'his release' as he called it. Whenever we have a hard day at rehearsal; he will come to me like a lost puppy, kissing with so much force that I could almost feel the want and desire he needed from me. And every time I will allow him to take me, I wouldn't protest because I truly _love_ Kendall, but at times I think of having something more than just sex with Kendall. Something that I can know that Kendall _loved_ me and not just for 'his release', but that's was just a foolish fantasy of mine. Kendall Knight couldn't possibly love me.

"James, pay attention," Logan's stern voice snapped me out of my train of thought.

"Oh, sorry Logie," I used his nickname hoping that make Logan's temper lower just a bit. It worked… He smiled, "Now Romeo and Juliet were said to be in _love_, but many believe that they were just _lusting_ each other."

"_Lusting_?" I questioned as I tilt my head slightly.

"_Lusting_ is when you have a strong sexual desire towards someone," Logan turned bright scarlet from the embarrassment of the word. I wanted to laugh but my heart started to ache was Kendall just _lusting_ me, not in _love_ with me. He never told me he _loved_ me nor did he told me he _lust_ me. Then what was Kendall's feeling towards me was he just using me as a sex toy. The pain punctured through my heart as the thought came to mind. "Logan how did Romeo and Juliet showed each other that they were in _love_?"

"Well, they did anything to see each one another, and they would tell each other repeatedly that they loved one another. Also Romeo and Juliet committed suicide for each other; to say their _love_ killed them," He paused. "They would die if the other one wasn't with them."

"Oh..." I paused, forming a plan to see if Kendall _loved_ or just _lust_ me. "Okay, hey can I take a break like maybe for thirty minutes."

"Fine," Logan sighed, and turned to Carlos who was watching T.V, "Hey, Carlos want to go to the pool?"

"Yeah, Logie," Carlos instantly jump up from the couch, and rushing over to Logan and I. Before I knew what was going to Carlos had grabbed Logan's arm and dragged him out the door. Blinking a couple times to understand what just happened; I simply slumped down to the couch. Staring at the ceiling waiting for a plan to pop up in my mind; I could always tell him that I _love_ him and we will only do it if he _loved _me too. No, what if punches me or he tells he just wanted a release and nothing else. Did I make something out of just plain _lust_? No, I _love_ Kendall, he's just perfect, and the idea of him actually liking me more than just a release was crazy…

Possibilities ran through my head, not noticing someone had come in, "James." My eyes were still focusing on the ceiling, but slowly landed on the blond that was staring at me, Kendall. "Yeah, what is it Kendall?"

"Hmmm… Well I-I," He was biting his bottom lip now.

"Kendall, what's wrong," I looked at him carefully; shivers ran down my spine.

"Oh, nothing, i-it's nothing," Kendall sighed heavily. Right now we were alone, and the weird thing is we weren't trying to find a release; it was my chance to tell him that I was in _love_ with him. "Kendall, can I tell you something." I sat up from the couch, patting at the empty space on the couch signaling Kendall to sit down. Kendall warily sat down as stared down at his shoes.

"Well… see you and I been having like this fling," My heart pounded at my fragile chest as Kendall looked at me. His blue green bottled eyes were filled with sorrow, guilt, regret, and something else I couldn't tell at this point. "Yeah? What a-about it J-James?"

"Well, see before we started that, I was so confused about," I paused, "I was confused about my feelings and well now I realized that I-I."

"You what James," Kendall's eyes met mine once more.

"I-I don't want what we have," I sighed instantly, knowing that I was a coward.

"Y-you mean you d-don't want our f-fling," Kendall's voiced raised a bit.

"Yeah, I was thinking that," I chewed at my bottom lip. "That we should stop it." Before my own hearts brakes… "James, I don't want our fling to be over," Kendall said sternly.

"Kendall, I can't take it," I knew it was now or never so I took what was left of my bravely, "I w-want something real, Kendall. I want you, but as like a boyfriend, not as a sex toy, I want you, but the fling was just a fling to you, but for me I wanted to show you how I feel about you. And the feeling I have is that I-I _love_ you, Kendall, and I know you can never _love_ me," My eyes widen to hear my voice telling Kendall that I _loved_ him.

"You really feel like t-that James?" His eyes flashed even more emotions; I lost my voice, at that moment, afraid if I spoke this whole thing might not be real, so I simply nodded. "Oh, James," Kendall's hand rubbed my cheek as his thumb wiped the tears, which I haven't notice until now, that flowed down my cheek.

"D-don't hate me," My now regained voice weakly said.

"James, I could never hate," Kendall paused his smiled grew even more, "I_ love_ you too." My eyes widen even more if it was possible, "Really?"

"Of course, James, I only did the fling because I loved you, and I thought you didn't _love_. I thought that you were just… _lusting_ me, and I was dumb to think that was true _love_. But what you just said, showed me that you do want something, not just a fling, just like I w-want to be your boyfriend," Kendall shyly smiled.

"Oh, Kenny," I hugged to a tight embrace, "I will happily be your boyfriend." Kendall pulled back a little, as I turned a bit worried, but instantly smiled as Kendall connected his lips to mine. It wasn't like the kiss he would always give. It wasn't harsh and not as forced; it was slow and soft…

The roughed sound of someone clearing their throat made us separate. There stood Logan and Carlos who couldn't hide their cheesy smiles. "So… what are you two doing?"

"Hmm…" I tried to find the right words.

"Well, I'm here kissing my boyfriend," Kendall said proudly as if he seemed to enjoying the word 'my'.

"Well… finally," Carlos smirked. I just turned flushed as I looked at Kendall who was laughing at our friend. His sea green eyes were filled with joy, happiness, and_ love_.


	13. M is for Maybe

**M is for Maybe… thanks for the reviews, "Maybe I could have loved you better. Maybe you should have loved me more. Maybe our hearts were just next in line. Maybe everything breaks sometime."**

_Maybe_... was all Kendall could think of as he yelled back at James, his boyfriend who he been dating for two years… _Maybe it's just another fight…_ His bottled sea green eyes filled with anger and tears as he heard James telling him over and over that he hated the blonde boy. Kendall looked at the mirror; he saw himself and the pain he was in. How did this started…

_Dating James for an entire year was pure bliss for Kendall. God, he loved that boy. James was the one he just knew it… His heart will tell him that every time he saw the beautiful brunette. "The one, he is the one", was the words that played in his heart and mind. But somehow, his love wasn't enough, to make them stop fight once more. How it started they both had no clue but who ended wasn't them usually it was Logan and Carlos._

"_I hate you," Was the lies that Kendall told the brunette and somehow the brunette would try his best to not break down. Why he said it first, he couldn't figure it out, why he started it he didn't know either but he knew James will finished it sooner or later. James will finished their fighting, and tells him, Kendall, he loved the blonde, and he will beg the blonde to not leave him. Kendall wanted to say the words, but they never came when their fighting stopped; when everything was back to normal… Kendall realized James will tell him he loved him, and Kendall will nod or just kiss the brunette. Maybe this is the reason why everything was falling apart…_

"You know what I hate you. There I said it, you always tell me that when we always fight and you never tell me you love me, or that you even cared," James snapped as he looked at Kendall's eyes with tears flowing out showing the blonde how weak he was. Kendall just stood there motionless silent, hoping it was a dream. "And now you won't yell at me, you won't talk to me, you won't say you love me," James stammered as more tears flowed.

"James.. I…" Kendall tried to speak the words that made his heart sang with happiness, but his throat was dry, his mind was fogged as it told it was just a dream. While his heart cried out that it wasn't that he needed to tell James he cared, to James that he loves him.

"You what? You hate me, oh I already know that and why do I keep up with your ignorant hate, why because I l-love you, well I don't even know if that's true," James barked.

"James, listen," Kendall paused, "I-I..."

"You don't have to say that you hate me again, I had enough," James walked towards their bed room, slamming the door shut.

_Maybe if I could say those words…maybe everything will be better_ Kendall stood there for hours glancing at the mirror… thinking about telling James he loved him. Well that's how Logan and Carlos found him standing there looking at the mirror in the hallway, looking so broken, so lost.

"What the fuck did you do?" Carlos knew it was Kendall's fault, everyone knew…

"…" Kendall looked at his two friends slightly as he returned to look at the mirror.

"Kendall when are you telling James that you love him?" Logan cleared his throat trying to get Kendall's attention once more.

"I can't," Kendall said at a whisper, but Logan and Carlos stilled heard him.

"Why can't you, do you love James at all?" Carlos raised a brow.

"I love him, b-but I can't say those words, and every time I tried I just become a coward…"

_James and Kendall lay on the hill staring at the beautiful sky above them. James seemed to, but Kendall kept looking at James, astound by his own beauty._

"_Hey, Kendall," James turned to him._

"_Yeah, James what is it?" Kendall blushed lightly to be caught staring at James._

"_Well… hmmm… thanks for everything," James smiled lovely._

"_Hmmm… you're welcome James," Kendall paused, "Hmm… James?"_

"_Yeah?" James smiled widen._

"_I…I," Kendall's throat his heart pounded up and down bring pain to Kendall's chest. "Never mind…"_

They left him there, just letting him stare at himself in the mirror of the hallway. Kendall had to tell him… knowing James was probably going to hate or still hate him. So he wobbled to James' and his bedroom. Sighing when he saw James sound asleep, laying peacefully, as if the fight never happened… _Maybe the fight never did happen _Kendall thought, but somehow Kendall knew that the fight had happen.

He needed to wake up James, to talk to him, to tell him how much he loved him… So Kendall forced himself to shake James' shoulder lightly; making James' eyes to snap open. James' jaws clenched together, anger flowed through his body. "What the hell you want?"

"James, listen I'm some sort of ignorant bastard," Kendall paused, "I am an ignorant bastard who will be dumb to let you go. And I know this and I that's why I want to tell you that I-I…"

"T-that you hate okay, I get it," James turned away from Kendall, "W-We are t-though."

"No! James listen I need to tell you that I-I love you, and maybe loved you since the day I met you," Kendall spoke as he tried to choke down the tears.

"No you don't, you hate me, you haven't told me at all, until now. How can I believe you?" James' let his tears flow to show Kendall how much pain he was in…

"I-I was scared, okay James? I was scared that, maybe, you will leave me for someone better, someone who's more talented, braver and someone who's not afraid to tell that they love you," Kendall snapped.

"I could never leave you, I-I love you, Kendall," James sat up as he looked directly at Kendall, "You could've told you were scared; I would've slow things down, I would've maybe been a better boyfriend-"

"James, you are the best boyfriend, I'm the worse; I'm too afraid to tell my beautiful boyfriend that I been more than two years that I love him," Kendall blurted out.

"But you finally said it," James reminded happily.

"I guess I did," Kendall paused. "I love you James Diamond." James brought Kendall to a tight embrace, as he spoke words of love to Kendall. As Kendall held James tighter repeating "I love you's" to James, with no fear; Kendall realized that day he could finally love James. _Maybe it's never too late…_


	14. N is for New

**N is for New… Thanks for the reviews "As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a _new_ love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."**

N is for New

All of the things were changing for Kendall; everything was changing to the little small habits he had to the grand things like _new_ friends and a _new_ school. How he missed his old simple life with his three best friends, but this was for his best friend. This all started for his best friend, James, he did this for James, Kendall didn't know it then but he was falling for James. Who wouldn't fall for the beautiful brunette, he was perfect for the blonde, he was everything for him.

But everything was _new_ and different, and sometimes the blonde will freak as if he was losing his last breath of air. _New_ responsibilities, _new_ problems, was all Kendall could see and deal with. He soon realized everyone was changing and the fear that bothered Kendall was coming true _He, himself, was changing_. How he stopped playing hockey and more time singing and dancing. He did gave up is dream for James, but now he was becoming a "_New_ Kendall" and somehow he couldn't change it.

"Kendall," Logan's voice brought him back to reality.

"Oh sorry, I spaced out…" Kendall looked down avoiding worried glances, "Again…"

"Are you alright, do you want a corndog?" Asked Carlos as he got up and headed to the kitchen.

"Oh, hmm… sure Carlos," Kendall sighed as he picked himself off from the couch.

"Kendall, are you okay?" Kendall's back shivered as he heard the heavenly voice.

"Oh, yeah James, I am just tired from a long day of dancing," Kendall mentally slapped himself to realize they had the day off.

"Kendall, have you realized we have the day off?" Logan informed.

"Oh, yeah," Kendall chuckled as if he told a joke, "I guess I'm just tired. I'm going to bed, it is my day off." Kendall awkwardly slump his shoulders as he bowed his head down ignoring the looks he got as he sluggishly went to Logan's and his room.

Lying on his bed, wrapped in his bed sheets Kendall sighed; he didn't want to make them worry. He was so confused, he practically wanted to make everything go back to the way things were and not how they are right now. With everyone's fake smiles as they kept telling him everything was the same, nothing was different nothing had changed… They were lying to him and to themselves, but no one notices. No, they still lived their lives with lies and no one cared, except for Kendall.

"Kendall…" James' voice flowed to Kendall's ear, "Is everything alright."

"Yes, James everything is fine," Kendall lied, like everyone else, he had to, to survive the life he was living. "Everything is perfect."

"I don't believe," Kendall could feel James' hazel eyes looking at with disbelief.

"James-," Kendall stopped himself, what could he say to James to make him stop worrying to make him believe him? Nothing was the answer…

"Kendall, is everything okay, are you sick?" James questioned, as Kendall hid his head in his pillow.

"I'm not sick, I'm just tired," Kendall sighed.

"From the day off?" Kendall heard James' footsteps coming closer.

"No, I didn't even notice it was a day off," Kendall chuckled lightly trying to soften the mood.

"Then from what Kendall?" James questioned.

"From," Kendall let the word play on his lips, "From. From. From."

"Kendall," James whined as he sat on the edge of Kendall's bed.

"Fine James do you really want to know what I'm tired of?" Kendall had a sudden rage spark into him, as he felt frustration flow like him, and it was burning him, and he liked it.

"Yes," James squeaked.

"I'm fucking tired okay? Not from the day off, but from all of this. Everything is changing, James," Kendall sat up as his eyes laid on the now pale James, "A-and I can't prevent it from changing, I wish I could, but I can't. And I'm fucking sick of people, who lie about it not changing, that everything is normal, everything is not normal."

"I'm sorry, Kendall," James looked away from Kendall, making the blonde madder.

"This is your entire fault, how everything changed because of you," Kendall growled, "Because of your stupid dream to be famous."

"I-it's not s-stupid," James protest as a couple of tears flowed down his cheek.

"Yes it is," Kendall snapped as he stood up making James jump from the sudden movement, "Because of you I gave up my dream, I gave up everything that I loved, because, because." Kendall stopped himself as he almost told James the truth.

"Because? Kendall w-why did you give up your dream for mine?" James persisted as he turned to Kendall.

"Because, you were crushed when Gustavo said you were no good, and because you look so sad and I couldn't stand seeing my best friend sad," Kendall wasn't lying, it was true was he was saying.

"B-but you defended me, and you wouldn't leave unless I came with you, and I-I don't maybe I was wrong," James babbled as more tears fell on Kendall's bed sheets.

"What James? You thought that," Kendall pursed his lips, maybe James felt the same way; maybe he loved Kendall like Kendall loved James. "That I love you?" Silence engulfed the room, Kendall felt as if he was dying more and more as every second passed, until James finally spoke, "I know, I'm not the smartest, but I thought that you may love me, like h-how I-I l-love you. You gave up your dream for my silly dream that seemed so out of reach and maybe that little thing you did was to tell me that you love me. I waited for you to tell me that you love me, every day when you spoke to me; I hoped that you would tell me. But you know that was silly of me, I'm just dumb to think the great Kendall Knight will love someone like me."

"James," Kendall was all the more speechless.

"I can change Kendall, I swear to you, I will get over you hope-," James' voice died down as Kendall interrupted him, "Don't you dare, James, I love you there I said it, and I felt like what I did was to show you I love you," Kendall sighed deeply, "I love you, James, so much and well every day I felt like it was a mistake, because you didn't seem to notice my sacrifice, and I felt like I had been used. I felt like I was trapped, and then everything was changing, and we meet _new_ people and _new_ responsibilities, and I don't know I was losing it."

"But Kendall, you could of told me you hated changing everything in your life," James shook his head. "I would've gone back to being the old boring James that was not famous or rich, for you Kendall."

"But James, what I did for you would've been a waist, and we can't go back not now, not since we're so close," Kendall frowned, as he saw James standing up. "Oh, Kendall, we could've found a way," James went towards Kendall, as he lean to the blonde's ear, "We always do."

Kendall shivered as he felt James arms wrapped securely around his waist, Kendall couldn't help but smiled as he saw James' eyes were filled with 'The Old James', the one he fell in love with.

"Kendall, do you still want your corndog?" Carlos' voice broke the wonderful silence. James twirled around letting go of Kendall, in much disappointment. "Oh no, I don't want it."

"Okay," Carlos ran off. He couldn't hide the big grin that was plastered on his face; he couldn't wait to tell Logan…


	15. O is for Optimistic

**Sorry that I haven't uploaded in so long, been busy with my life and my grades:P Fun… but I finally have time to upload. This story I had for a while, finally had time to uploaded it; it's sort of like N. So O is for Optimistic, "When I look at the world I'm pessimistic, but when I look at people I am optimistic." Carl Rogers**

O is for Optimistic

The world was once a peaceful loving place well that's what I thought until I moved to L.A. Yeah, going to L.A. was my dream and then when I finally came there I realized the truth. That's when I decided that the world had cruel people that only wanted money and fame not caring about others. Well my opinion was soon changing as I realize Kendall, was still the same Kendall I fell for. He was still so loveable and always put others in front of him.

Yeah, Kendall never really cared for fame, or money, but I did. And I remembered how I always telling that when I become famous I would help him with his dream of being the best hockey player. He always laughed and say that if he became the best hockey player then he and I would throw parties every week and we would be the only guests.

I still keep that dream close to my heart hoping it would come true. I always wish it did, because all I want is to spend time with that blonde that makes my heart beat like crazy.

"James," Kendall shook my shoulder lightly.

"Oh, sorry, you were saying," I smiled we were on the couch seeing a horror movie. We always had movie nights to ourselves ever since Carlos and Logan when on dates. Kendall called them hang outs, for my own enjoyment I called them dates but I'll never tell Kendall this.

"It's okay, anyway can you pass me the popcorn," Kendall and me were covered with blankets and it was basically impossible to reach anything at this point, but for him I'll try. Finally after minutes of struggling with the blanket I got my arm out, feeling accomplish I look for the popcorn. Noticing the bowl was right next to Kendall, I couldn't help but laugh at Kendall's laziness. "Kendall, you could get it yourself."

"But I'm too lazy," Even he admits that's he's too languid for his own good. "So can you please put popcorn in my mouth." His mouth opened wide. This only made me laugh louder and harder, I shook my head. "Nope, you can do it yourself."

"Bastard," Kendall joked as he started to laugh with me. Soon he tried to free himself to only make both of us tumble to the floor, breaking into fits of laughter. Until I notice our position, I was on top of Kendall, while Kendall was still trying to catch his breathe. I tried getting off but the cruel evil blanket, which was still tangled between Kendall and me, didn't let me move. Kendall soon stopped laughing to realize our blanket trouble.

Soon I was so red and breathing hard as I tried to pull free, no use and Kendall wasn't helping, cause he had turned bright red and motionless. Soon we heard the door open, and in comes Logan and Carlos, they were laughing, until they saw us.

"Finally, you two are together," Carlos exclaims. Oh my god, if I wasn't red from before I am red now.

"Let's leave the lovebirds to whatever they were doing," Logan added as he and Carlos went to their room. Kendall was even redder as he avoided eye contact with me.

"K-Kendall," I try to keep my voice steady as possible, even though it was probably impossible.

"James," Kendall finally turned to me, he finally took his hand out, and using it to caress my cheek. _This can't be happening_ I kept telling myself that, but then I felt a soft pair of lips kiss my neck. That's when I lost all care out of the window…

When I woke, I was presented with a massive headache, and to once again realize it was probably a dream. But that dream theory was easily shattered as I realized the blonde of my dreams was lying next to me on the floor, still sound asleep.

Finally struggling out of the clutches of the evil blanket, I casually headed to the bathroom. Maybe it was my imagination playing with me, I should see if he remembers anything or maybe it was a dream… I had to find out, and I knew I couldn't coward away, not this time…

Storming out of the bathroom, and heading towards the now awaken Kendall. "Kendall, can we talk about last night?"

"Hmm… yeah, too bad we didn't get to see the end of the movie, because we fell asleep," Kendall's voice sounded normal, but his eyes told another story.

"Hmm… Kendall I'm talking about you and me making out," My voice turned weak and to a whisper.

"Oh…" Kendall paused biting his lip. "Hmm… I was you know a one night stand kinda of… no hard feelings, right?" How could this happen? A one night stand? Fuck that, it was more to that, "No it wasn't a one night stand," I told him sharply. "N-Not for me at least," My voice started to crack

"James…" Kendall bites his lips harder.

"You, have the right to know that yesterday night meant a lot to me," I paused as I felt myself shaking violently, "And now I know it didn't meant nothing for you. Maybe I was just so dumb and filled with hopes that Kendall Knight would love someone like me. And I was too _optimistic _to realize you never felt the same. I love you Kendall a lot…" Then I felt his lips on mine, making me still and silent. This can't be happening, no, he said it didn't mean anything. When out lips finally separated; Kendall final started to talk, "James, I lied, I thought you would hate me if I told you that I love you and that yesterday wasn't just a normal day, it was more than that. I guess it meant as much as for you as it did for me," he gave me a soft smile, "And I was wondering if you wanted to be my boyfriend."

"Of course," I smiled happily as Kendall and me were about to kiss once more. Until Logan and Carlos walked in on us again, "You two love birds don't ever stop." Carlos and Logan broke down in laughter, making Kendall and I bright red.


	16. P is for Priceless

**P is for Priceless, thanks for the reviews :) this story show a bit of Kames but it's mostly on their friendship. "Friendship is a priceless treasure never to be bought or sold - it can only be cherished."**

P is for Priceless

Kendall had always admired James' voice, oh how it sounded so mesmerizing. James would always imagine himself as someone who will turn famous; that what Kendall also admires about James, his determination to become famous. Even at a young age James would proclaim to anyone he encountered that he would become famous no matter what.

Kendall entered the first grade classroom beaming with excitement of his first day of school. "Bye, Mom." He waved his mom off at the doorway. As he ran around to look at his classroom; he instantly avoided the girls' table, and ended up sitting next to Logan, his best friend.

"I can't wait to meet new kids!" Kendall grinned even harder.

"Me too, and I really want to learn new things," Logan added, Kendall rolled his eyes at his friend.

"But Mommy I don't know anyone!" Cried a boy with a hockey helmet making Kendall and Logan notice him; the boy was clutching his mom's leg.

"Carlitos, what have I told you about meeting new people?" The women made him quiet down. Logan stood up right and hurried to the boy with the helmet. "Hi I'm Logan, want to be friends?'

The boy looked at him and smiled back, "Sure! My name is Carlos!" Kendall laughed at the two who were already become the best of friends.

"H-Hi," Kendall jump as he heard a very timid voice. Kendall turned to a boy with brown light hair his hair went at a perfect angle and not only that but the boy's eyes were a beautiful hazel color. Kendall's only word for the boy was that he was beautiful like one of those angels his mother always talked about.

"Hi," Kendall smiled. "My name is Kendall."

"My name is James," The boy paused, "I'm going to famous one day!" Kendall couldn't help but burst down laughing, who the heck was this boy? Saying he was going to be famous, "What's so funny?" James turned perplexed with Kendall's laughter.

"Your dream," Kendall finally caught his breathe.

"W-Well, what's your dream?" James snapped.

"Being the world's best hockey player!" Kendall exclaimed proudly. This time it was James turn to laugh, Kendall turn red in embarrassment. James finally caught his breathe, "With those eyebrows?" Kendall could recall James and him fighting that entire day until they both agree to not laugh at each other's dreams.

Kendall also loved how James was always there for anybody in need. Even though times were hard James, would always be there to catch him when Kendall falls. When Kendall heard his own mother crying in the other room, when his father just left them; Kendall, himself, couldn't stop crying. How could he? So he hid in his closet not wanting anyone to see how vulnerable he was.

Of course that didn't stop James from bursting into Kendall's room looking for the said blond. "Kendall, are you in here?" Kendall help his breathe as he quickly wiped his tears away with his sleeves. But somehow that didn't stop James from finding him in the closet, "Hey it's going to be okay." How can James say that? He didn't know how much pain he was in? He had no right to mock Kendall like that? So when James pulled Kendall into his arms, Kendall tried as hard as he could to pull away from the grip of the brunette. "Shh…it'll be okay," James repeated softly over and over again as he slowly stroke Kendall's hair. Letting the blonde boy cry on his shoulder; not even caring when Kendall touched his hair or even getting mad when Kendall rubbed his tears away with his shirt.

Kendall also would do anything to see James wear that beautiful smile that made girls and Kendall fall for him easily. The first time Kendall saw that smile turned to a horrid frown was when James' dream shattered in pieces. Of course Kendall being courageous and stood up to the producer, but instead he got the record deal. He of course denied it; because it wasn't his dream it was James' dream and only James' dream.

That night James came to Kendall's home, he still wore that dreadful frown. Kendall sighed, "I'm sorry James about you getting rejected that producer is messed up."

"But he was right I don't have what it takes to be famous," James held back his tears, but Kendall knew James wanted to cry.

"Yes you do," Kendall embraced James instantly calming him down; "You have that 'fire' he was talking about."

"Thanks Kendall," James gave him a weak smile that Kendall instantaneously knew it was fake.

"And trust me James, to me you have the 'fire', and that's all that matters," Kendall embraced James tightly allowing him to cry. "That's why I didn't take your dreams from you, because I know you can do much better than I can when it comes to singing, and not at hockey." James immediately giggled, as he beamed happily again in Kendall's arms.

Kendall would do anything for James, and even though James would never know Kendall's true feeling for the pretty boy. He knew he'll always show his love by making James smile.


	17. Q is for Quit

**Thanks for the reviews :) So Q is for Quit.**

"**Before you speak, listen.**

**Before you write, think.**

**Before you spend, earn.**

**Before you invest, investigate.**

**Before you criticize, wait.**

**Before you pray, forgive.**

**Before you **_**quit**_**, try.**

**Before you retire, save.**

**Before you die, give." -William Arthur Ward**

Q is for Quit

Kendall was reaching to James' apartment, he sighed as rubbed his neck with his clammy hand. The calluses rubbed against the delicate tender skin of his neck, making Kendall shiver. He knew that the dreadful weight on his shoulder was never going to go away, especially when he was going to married tomorrow. Kendall had practically prayed that the wedding was called off, and then maybe his world will return to him, _James_.

Kendall shouldn't have started this huge mess that made everything turn on him, made his world collapse on his shoulder, because truly this was his fault. Why did he quit on James? Hell, if he wanted to forget about it he would, but the constant sadness of James' hazel eyes was the dreadful reminder. Kendall would tell any soul that would even listen that he truly wanted the brunette; he didn't want to get married to a random chick, he just wanted James. But when his anger rose at the brunette for no apparent reason, maybe it was because he finally had his love but he couldn't have that. He didn't want a perfect world, no, he just couldn't have that. So that's when he said yes to his producer to marrying this girl.

Kendall glanced at the rear viewed mirror; his eyes flowed with tears without him noticing. Stroking his sleeve against his moist eyes, he had to get a hold of himself. Finally getting out of the car, Kendall slowly steps through the rain that mixed with his dreadful delicate tears. Millions of tearful rain drops stream down Kendall's face when he finally reach to James' place.

He softly knocked, but no answer came from the vacant apartment. Once again he knocked but once more no answer. Kendall sighed as he reached into his pocket feeling the slick metal of a key. Grabbing tenderly he pulled it out of his pocket. Sighing he slick the key into the key hole, hearing the soft click. Turning the knob he enter the desolate building, slowly closing the door behind him, he shivered something's not right. Kendall put his finger on it, so he let it slide of his mind.

"James!" Kendall yelled hoping for anything, but only his echo responded. He sighed; he hated coming here, since ever he moved out leaving James all alone with a torn up heart. Kendall explored the apartment, nothing had changed, and everything looked the same like nothing had happy. Kendall smiled blissfully but instantly frowning knowing everything was not the same, everything was broken. Out of the corner of his eye Kendall noticed the object he was looking for. The ring. The ring that was once James is now someone else's, and Kendall hated that fact, he wish it wasn't true but it was. Kendall froze as he noticed the white sheet of paper. James handwriting was on it. Kendall shouldn't read but he couldn't help it. Kendall shuddered as he read the first words.

_Dear Kendall,_

_You know how when we were kids, you told me we always be best friends? What happened, Kendall? Why aren't we friends anymore? I mean we talk, but now that I think about you won't look me in the eye, or even give me a smile. I miss those random smiles, Kendall, they always make my day. But now I guess someone else have your smiles, your hugs and your kisses. I was just wondering Kendall, why did you leave me, was I really that bad of a boyfriend? I mean I tried Kendall, to make you happy, but I guess I wasn't the best for you, I guess I didn't try hard enough._

_And when you told me we were through I actually thought you were joking like a hahaha joke. The ones we always tell each other to make one another laugh. But I guess I was wrong, now I see you holding hands with this girl, and now you're getting married! I know it's only been six months since you left, but every day I feel like it was the day after you broke up with me. But the worst part is that my heart is more broken, and I think it will never be repaired. Thanks Kendall for leaving me, and hey I think you deserve someone better than your best friend. Thanks for quitting on our friendship._

_The best friend that was with you when your dad left you, and when you made the hockey for the first time ever, even it was the junior team, it still meant a lot to you. When you fell for that random chick, but you realized she never loved you, I was there Kendall to repair your heart. Now where are you Kendall? My hearts broken, like yours was, but you just left. I sometimes hope you were here to comfort me, to tell everything's fine._

_You know those simple words that you used to tell me, I miss those words, but I guess I can't listen to your beautiful voice say those words anymore. But I will tell you those words anytime, anywhere, nor matter what Kendall, even now I will tell that I love you._

_You're probably laughing at this point, and I understand. If you are laughing at this letter you're probably will laugh at the letters that fill my trash. They all say I love you, I guess I wrote them to tell you that I do, but now I know you don't love me._

"K-Kendall," Kendall's head shot up from the letter. James stood there shaking severely.

"James," Kendall paused, as he saw James' eyes were filled with tears. "I-I…" He looked back at the letter, swallowing down his words.

"Y-You weren't supposed to read that," James said bluntly.

"Sorry," Kendall said softly. "I came to take the ring back."

"Of course…" James stated bitterly, as came towards Kendall, snatching the paper from Kendall's hands. James began to crumple up the paper throwing without a care into the trash bin.

"James…" Kendall sighed; this had to end, because he doesn't want to live a lie anymore. "I love you too."

"Haha, nice joke Kendall," James said bitterly as his eyes turned downward to the floor.

"I'm not joking James," Kendall growled then sighed, "I'm telling the truth."

"And I'm telling the truth," James paused as he gritted his teeth, "Nice joke." This time Kendall didn't barked back, no, Kendall launched at James. Smashing their lips together, unfortunately James violently shoved Kendall away. "No, Kendall, you're getting married this isn't right."

"Forget the marriage, I only love you James, and no one else," Kendall snapped back.

"But…" James lost his words. So Kendall blissfully kissed James once more, this time James kissed him back. Pulling away Kendall breathe out, "I love you too much James, and that letter proved to me that you love me too, so I won't be getting married anytime soon."


	18. R is for Rambling

**Thanks for the comments… So R is for Rambling.**

"**The last stroke of midnight dies.**

**All day in the one chair**

**From dream to dream and rhyme to rhyme I have ranged**

**In**_** rambling**_** talk with an image of air:**

**Vague memories, nothing but memories." -William Butler Yeats**

R is for Rambling

Kendall bit his trembling bottom lip, his eyes were trying to focus, but his vision was a haze since his eyes flooded with tears that streamed down his flushed cheeks. He rested on the stairs that lead up to James' apartment. Where was James? Kendall needed comfort, he needed closure, and he needed James _now_. Kendall swiftly brushed his sleeve to his eyes trying as much as possible to erase the tears and hopefully erase the pain. Unfortunately both the pain and the tears didn't go away, at least for now they didn't.

Kendall's head snapped forward as he heard a sound of car's rumbling motor. _James, _Kendall's thought could only think about as he force himself up to the cold wet concrete stair case. He rushed to the cool winter breeze, forcing a shiver to go down his back, as his legs stumbled to the soggy snow that crunch at every foot step. Kendall slowly walked toward the car. _Crunch. _"James?" _Crunch._ "James, are you there?" _Crunch._

"Oh, hey Kendall, were you waiting for me?' Stepping out of the car, James soon receive a broken down blond who at the moment was clutching him tightly not hinting that he was going to let go anytime soon. James sighed as he felt his heart tug with pain. To James this had become a regular routine, the type of routine that James burdened every time it happened. "Let me guess… It was another girl."

"Y-Yeah…" Kendall snuggled his face into James' chest, brushing off the tears that soaked James' sweater. Kendall snuggled closer to James, as he felt himself getting lifted by James. James sighed as he mentally cursing at himself for dealing with Kendall, but the deep down he wished that the blonde realize that James cared for him _a lot. _More than a friend should. Still holding onto Kendall, James, clumsily stumbled up the staircase breathing heavily. White puffs of air escape his mouth as James soon realized the temperature was dropping. Finally James carried the broken down to his apartment door, pushing forward he balance himself, as he reach to his pocket. His unprotected fingers, which were become traumatized by the chilly bitter cold; still felt the cool metal of the key. Grasping it, James, tugged at his pocket shifting weight back and forth till he found an equal balance while still holding the crumbled up blond.

Finally James sighed contently as he opened the door, a warm blast of air rose from his apartment. James soon had his door slam shut making sure to not waist the warm air. Kendall was promptly curled in ball snuggling at James' chest. He seemed to be lost in his own little world, James smirked of how Kendall had become. Kendall's eyes were, at the moment, closed softly, while his nose twitch a couple random times, and his cheeks were rosy probably because of the cold winter air hitting his face. But all James could focus was the supple bright red lips and how a smile tugged on Kendall's face. That made James smiled, even though deep down he was broken more than the blond in his arms was.

Kendall's eyes open suddenly as if alert; his green crystal orbs search the room until they landed on James. Kendall frowned instantly as he pushed himself away from James. He didn't want this, he wanted everything to be normal, but why can't it be. He bites his bottom lip as he saw James' eyes filled with hurt. "J-James…" Kendall sighed as he spoke the name as if it was forbidden that if he kept saying it he might die. Kendall's eyes darted to the stained carpet floor, as if it was going to give him a resolution to his problems. James, on the other hand, was holding his breathe; he couldn't help but smile of how cute Kendall was acting all of a sudden. A small chuckled slipped out of James' lips, unfortunately Kendall heard the snicker, and instantly frowned upon it. "D-do you think this is a joke, James?" Kendall's eyes shot from the ground to James, who was right frozen as if the cold did this to him. "Tell me, is it?"

"…What are you talking about?" James final spoke as he finally wanted the unbearable silence to end.

"You know perfectly of what I'm talking about," Kendall snapped as eyebrows furrowed to show signs of irritation.

"No, I don't tell me," James pleaded, thinking it over if he should go down to his knees.

"Y-You're laughing at me…" Kendall paused registering James shocked facial expression, "You are laughing cause you're also perfect, you probably already found the perfect girl, while I'm still here single and alone." That was one of Kendall's fear to be all alone that one day everyone will forget about him. "And then you laugh at me like I'm some loser!"

"Kendall…" James sighed in distressed.

"Oh and by the way," Kendall's voice hitched as it came out to a whisper, "This loser is your best friend."

"Kendall, stop rambling…" James carefully chose what he was about to say. "First off, I'm single like you, so, no, Kendall I haven't found that perfect someone. Second of all I _wasn't_ laughing at you, well, I _was_ laughing at you but in a_ different_ way then you think…"

"And way was it then?" Kendall questioned quickly interrupting James.

"Well… it's just you looked so cute a minute ago…" James' cheeks instantly flushed bright.

"You think I looked cute?" Kendall couldn't hide the smirk that was plastered on his face.

"Yeah," James flushed even more as a shy smiled appeared.

"Well thank you," Kendall smirked as he lean down and softly pecked his lips onto James. As he slowly eased away, James tugged him back, as their lips, this time, clashed with so much force. James was in pure bliss as his hands slipped around Kendall's neck while his fingers toyed with the golden locks. Kendall gasped as he felt James pearly white teeth tug on his bottom quivering lip. Taking the chance, James pushed his tongue to the caverns of Kendall's mouth. After awhile of mapping out Kendall's mouth, James separated his supple lips from Kendall's. He soon realized how much air his lungs had needed so did Kendall. After finally silently catching their breaths they slowly looked at each other.

"K-Kendall didn't you come here to talk," James was the first to break the silence.

"Well… it seems to me that my problem has been resolved," Kendall smirked as he felt James arms around him. "I don't even remember the girl's name anymore."

James chuckled at the joke as he sighed, "You know what else is cute?"

"What?"

"Your _annoying _rambling," James chuckled gaining a frowned then a smirk form Kendall.

"Shut and kiss me," James smirked as he did what he was told to do.


End file.
